


Long Way Down

by Wolvescomeout93



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-07 07:01:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 19
Words: 45,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6792274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolvescomeout93/pseuds/Wolvescomeout93
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam is on a quest to break the sex driven emotional blackout in his brain before it ruins his relationships with his family for good and prevents him from finding love, But when he finally puts the pieces together it's more than he can handle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first One Direction fan fiction. I hope you guys like it. It does contain some nonconsensual sex with a minor so please be forewarned. And Liam's relationship with both Danielle and Sophia never happened. It takes place as if they were going to tour for the Made in the A.M album.

   Liam bit his lower lip as he sat across from his sexy date Janelle. Her dark sultry eyes were looking at him like he was for dessert. This was their second date but he could feel that tonight was the night. He grabbed the bill and paid with his credit card. He could feel her eyes penetrating him so deeply. They got into the back of the car he called for and she put her hand on his thigh. If they didn’t get to the house quick enough he was going to literally rip her clothes off in the back seat.The next ten minutes were like a tornado. They hopped out of the cab and went into the elevator where he shoved her against the wall. He pressed his lips to her neck and hiked her dress up. He grabbed her butt and inserted his fingers inside of her. Then he removed them and licked her lady fluid off of them. 

  
“Did you know I was legendary in school for making girls cum with just my fingers and tongue? What I’m packing in my pants is the added bonus if you’re a good girl” he said as he stayed pressed into her neck.She breathed heavy and then kissed him.

“I want you,” she said between breaths.

  
“I know you do. Because you’re a dirty slut” he said squeezing her face and kissing down her neck.

  
“Mmmm” she moaned.

  
“This is the longest fucking elevator ride” he mumbled and just then the door opened and they reached his floor.He was raring to go. His sex drive was over the top and he couldn’t get her naked quick enough. Once inside he grabbed her and started unzipping her dress as he walked to the couch pushing her along the way. He didn’t care if anything ripped or got tangled he yanked the dress all the way down while running his fingertips over her body causing her to quiver.

“Liam please” she begged as she stood there naked and vulnerable in front of the couch.

  
“Ssssh,” he said pushing her down onto the couch as he got onto his knees before her. He opened her legs and pulled her close to his face.  
He put his face between her legs and then he was lost. He would get himself so turned on and so worked up that once he started to pleasure his lady he would lose control of his mind and get lost in it. It had been that way for him since he was fifteen. He could feel every physical thing but emotionally there was nothing there. All he could focus on was what he was taught. He just continuously pushed his fingers in and out of her adding another every time she loosened up a bit while he licked and sucked. He didn’t know how long it had been, all he could focus on was making her cum, just like Charlotte Abbott in the tenth grade. She was the most popular girl in school and one of the girls that bullied him relentlessly until one day he overheard her talking about how her boyfriend went down on her and how awful it was and how he didn’t even know what he was doing. So he took a chance and went up to her and said “I can make you cum. Just give me a chance”. Of course at first, she laughed until she saw the deadly serious look on his face. After a week went by she called him and asked him to meet her under the bleachers. He did it exactly as he learned and sure enough, she had an orgasm so hard he felt her crushing his fingers and soaking his face and fingers with her lady fluid until they were wrinkly and pruned. He fantasized about feeling her wetness and having his fingers crushed up until he was actually doing it. Then his mind got fuzzy and blanked out. It was almost as if he was lost in her pleasure. And after that, the bullying stopped. But Charlotte wasn’t the one responsible. It was the skills he acquired that got it to stop. The skills he uses today to please all women. He’d rather please them a million times than have a girl touch him. He broke his focus only for a moment to realize he could fit another finger inside of Janelle who now had four of his fingers inside of her. He could feel the wetness on his face and it sent him into overdrive. He was going crazy now with his tongue and fingers doing it harder and faster in response to her moans. His mind went fuzzy again. He blanked out and did it robotically and mechanically.  
Janelle was erupting in orgasms that he didn’t even seem phased by, he was so far in his head that he didn’t even stop. He was still going even though she was trying to push him away.

“Liam please,” she said.But he didn’t stop.

“Stop please,” she said as she continued to try and get him off of her.It wasn’t until he heard the word stop that he snapped out of it. He would never do anything to a woman that she didn’t want.He pulled his face away and his fingers out of her.

“Did you cum baby?” he asked. He was sort of in a daze.

“You didn’t hear me screaming? I had multiples” she said.

“Sorry pussy is just so good. I get lost in there sometimes” he said. He felt so satisfied but filthy at the same time.

“Are you ok?” she asked.He looked pale and a bit light headed.

“I’m fine. I got something else for you, you know” he said patting the crotch of his pants.

“MMM,” she said as she got to her knees and started undoing his pants.Liam tensed up. He couldn’t let her touch him. Why couldn’t he just relax and enjoy a blow job like every other guy? He realized that lots of guys would love to be in his position. He was rich, handsome, famous, blessed below the belt and a skilled lover so what was missing? He couldn’t seem to have any sort of relationships because he seemed to attract the girls that only wanted sex from him. He let out a breath as she put her hands on him.

“No” he blurted out.She was a bit surprised by his abruptness. The panic was there. He was fairly certain it always would be. There was something in his mind that just wouldn’t allow him to enjoy himself. She sat up feeling a bit vulnerable waiting for him to say something.

“I want to hear you when I enter you. It really gets me off” he said pulling her to him and caressing her naked body with his fingertips. He never wanted the girls to feel that they weren’t good enough or embarrassed by him not wanting them to touch him. He moved his hands down caressing her until she was reassured how much he wanted her.

“Ok,” she said breathlessly.He undressed the rest of the way and carried her into his bedroom. He laid her down gently and put on a condom quickly. The sexual desire inside was blazing within him. He wanted her badly. He pulled her to the edge of the bed and entered her gently because of his size. She moaned as he slid into her slowly. He started gliding back and forth picking up the pace as he felt her adjust to him. His mind spaced out again. It was like a blackness. He was turned on physically and he’d see her and he’d fantasize but when the time came he literally blanked out his mind. There was nothing in his mind, no images, no emotions just the robotic motions that he was told would make her feel good. He could barely hear her moans in the background. He was focused on the wall behind her, making sure to periodically kiss or caress her like he knew he was supposed to. He was focused again on the wall and the more he stared. He could have sworn he saw a clock on the wall. The hand was pointing at 3:15 pm. It wasn’t time yet to finish. He had to go for a bit longer. He looked up again and the clock was gone. He wiped the sweat from his brow and bent down to kiss her.

“Liam babe please can we switch it up. You’re really big” she said pressing her hands to his abs. The sudden feeling of her hands on him snapped him out of it momentarily.

“Sure,” he said as he pulled out and started to turn her over onto her stomach so he could do her from behind.

“What are you doing?” she asked as she looked at him confused.

“I want to be on top,” she said pulling him close to her and kissing him gently on the lips.He stiffened up again. That was less enjoyable for him than getting a blow job. He felt the panic rise again.

“I can’t. It’s my back. It hurts when I do it in that position. If I’m hurting you I can go as slow as you want” he suggested.

“No, it’s ok. Doggy style is fine” she said as she turned over and he entered her again.He didn’t know how long it had been since they finished. He was kind of in a daze. His skin was crawling and he needed to shower.

"And I know you already know this and you probably don’t want to hear it anymore but that was the best sex I ever had,” Janelle said as she snuggled up to him.

“It was easy because you’re so beautiful. I’m going to take a shower” he said hoping it would make her feel good.  
He laid there trying to comprehend exactly why his mind always blanked out when he had sex. He was determined to one day debunk it. In the end, all that mattered was that the sex was good. That’s what they wanted him for and that’s how he would leave his mark on the world.


	2. Chapter 2

 

Liam looked at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. Harry zipped his pants and turned on the sink next to him.

“What’s all the fussing with your hair about?” Harry asked as he washed his hands.

“Does it look ok though?” he asked

“I’m sure Krystal will love it” Harry teased as he dried his hands.

“Don’t start with me today with that ok” Liam said

“Sorry mate,” Harry said

“Ok come on we don’t want to keep them waiting,” Liam said leading the way into the conference room.

He took a seat and he had three texts from Janelle. Two of them were dirty and it made his stomach turn. Another one that only wanted him for sex. He ignored her text and sank back deeply into the chair and then she walked in and he felt his heart race a little bit. She was different from the rest of the girls and he definitely had a crush on her. He met her a few years ago at a charity event and since then she was the only one he wanted planning his charity events.

Liam stood up so quickly he knocked down the chair he was sitting in.

“Krystal,” he said abruptly.

“Jesus Liam you jumped up like Watson,” Louis said referring to his dog.

“I-I uh” Liam stuttered for a moment.

“He needs to use the loo,” Harry said trying to help his friend.

“Yeah I’ll be right back,” Liam said going back to the bathroom.

He paced back and forth for a few moments. Get it together he told himself. He hurried back into the room and picked up his chair.

“I apologize for delaying you,” he said trying his best not to make a fool of himself.

He sat there quietly while she went over the details of their upcoming charity event. He didn’t really pay attention to what she was saying. He trusted her abilities completely. Instead, he watched the way her dark curls bounced when she turned her head. He looked at her eyes and lips and gave her body only a quick glance. He didn’t want to objectify her in any way ever. Damm she’s so pretty, he thought as he focused his eyes back on the table. He liked her a lot but he knew she was way too good for him and she would never date him anyway. And if she did she would never want him to touch her if she knew about him. Not that he could touch her anyway. This is a girl he only sees once in a while and every time she invoked the same feelings in him. That’s how he knew it was for real.

“Well, I think we’re just about finished here. Thank you guys. I will see you on the twenty-fourth” she said closing up her folder and putting everything away in her tote bag.

“Hey Krystal, would you like to join us for dinner and maybe spend some time catching up?” Liam asked her.

“Sure,” she said as she caught his eyes and smiled at him for a moment.

“Actually, you guys are on your own. We’re going to see a movie” Niall interjected.

“What movie? Why didn’t you invite me?” Liam said sounding very offended.

“Batman vs Superman because you already saw it”

“Oh,” Liam said.

“If you’d rather go with them I won’t mind,” Krystal said.

“No, I’ve seen it already. I’d rather have some dinner with you” he said as he followed her downstairs and hailed a taxi.

“So what’s been going on with you Liam?” she asked as poked his arm playfully.

“Nothing really. I’m just excited I get to work with you again” he confessed.

“So has anyone yet stolen the heart of the famous Liam Payne? I know all about your charm” she asked. He felt himself blushing hard. He didn’t know what she was getting at exactly but it made him smile.

“Me? No, I mean. I’m dating but no one serious really. I’m a bit of a head case so it’s probably better that way” he said not sure why he was telling her his secrets.

“I’m surprised by that. I think you’re a good guy. I’m surprised no one has scooped you up” she said as they got into the car.

 He felt himself blush again. She was a classy, sophisticated woman and he was a filthy man whore. He couldn’t believe she might think of him that way.

“What about you? Have you got a boyfriend?” he asked staring at her until she caught his eye. He was sure she did and didn’t know why he bothered asking.

“No,” she said as she stared into his deep brown eyes.

Liam couldn’t hide the excitement on his face that she was available.There was something captivating about her look and it made his heart flutter.

“This is our stop,” he said as he opened the door for her and waited for her to get out. He couldn’t get to the fresh air fast enough.

“How come we never dated?” she blurted out as soon as they sat down at a table and suddenly she wished she hadn’t.

Liam felt his face flush again. This girl was the only girl he ever truly wanted more than just a physical way. If she knew what he did when he was fifteen she would think he was so disgusting. He couldn’t tell her how much he cared for her.

“I’m not really boyfriend material,” he said quietly as he looked at his menu.

There was no way she believed that. There was so much more to Liam Payne than he let on and she was determined to find out.

“So do you have a date for the charity ball?” she asked him while he sipped the water that was brought to the table immediately.

“No I don’t,” he said quietly.

“Would you like to be my date?” she asked.

“Krystal I’m all messed up. I-

“If you don’t want to go that’s fine. I just figured I’d ask you first” she said.

“I’m sorry,” he said regretting his decision to reject her and be a jerk. He wanted her more than anything but not like this. If there was any chance he could ruin her he would never go for it. He felt like pulling away would keep her safe from his downward spiral.

“You have nothing to be sorry about,” she said before giving her order. She was trying her hardest not to be offended by his rejection.

It was awkward for a few minutes while they ate silently. He felt like the biggest jerk in the world. He kept trying to think of things to say while he picked at his food. And then she spoke up.

“Is it true what they say about you?” she asked him.

“They say lots of things about me,” he said reaching for his soda.

“That you’re a ladies man if you know what I mean,” she said with a laugh.

“What do you believe?” he asked. He hoped she didn’t think less of him for being so promiscuous.

“I don’t know what to believe,” she asked as she tried to read his eyes.

He hated when people tried to search his eyes. He hated other people trying to figure him out. He wasn’t a science experiment if she wanted to know something all she had to do was ask and she did just that.

“I don’t know exactly what you’ve heard, but I’ll give you the rundown. Have I fucked a lot of girls? Yes. Am I good in bed? Yes. Would the girls I slept with have anything bad to say about me? No. Is this what I want from my life? No. I’m a romantic, but I can’t seem to find any girls that don’t just want me for sex. Is there anything else you want me to clear up?” he said with a laugh.

It was easy to share with her for some reason even though he felt ashamed inside and after what he just said wondered if she still wanted him as her date.

“So then why do you keep having sex with them?” she teased.

She was into Liam and it surprised her how honest he was and how she knew deep down inside that wasn’t the real him. She knew he could be a good boyfriend. His sexual history didn’t bother her all that much. Plus it wouldn’t be fair if it did especially since wasn’t exactly the Virgin Mary.

Liam didn’t know what to say. He looked like a deer in headlights and he was really caught off guard. He wrestled with the right words to say to answer her question. What would she think if he told her that he kept having sex because he couldn’t understand why everything goes black all the time and why he didn’t feel a single emotion? He wanted to figure it out. Sex was supposed to be a healthy and enjoyable thing for adults and it was mostly bittersweet for him. It was awful because he didn’t feel anything other than the physical aspects and he couldn’t tell her that. She would think he was some kind of freak.

“Because I haven’t found the one,” he said.

Krystal felt the sadness behind what he just said and it hurt her deep inside. She wanted to be his “the one” but she knew whatever was going on inside his head was much bigger than she could understand. So she vowed to be his friend and nothing more until he came to her.

“I’m in town for another day if you want to get together tomorrow” she suggested.

“Yeah ok,” he said smiling.

His smile made her stomach feel like it dropped. He really was a beautiful boy. She had a thing for Liam long before she started working with One Direction at charity events.

“You look beautiful by the way. I should have said so before I’m sorry” Liam said.

She really was radiant even in her business attire. Sometimes when he looked at her he’d imagine them entangled in the sheets on his bed with their lips pressed together. But he would instantly feel bad for thinking of her in that way. But he couldn’t help it. He was a horny twenty-two-year-old man.

“So do you. I like your haircut” she said as she reached up to tousle it gently.

Her hand on him sent a jolt through him that he never felt before.

“Thanks,” he said squeezing her hand.

“Thank you for putting together the charity ball. It really means a lot to me” Liam said.

“You don’t have to thank me. It’s my job” she said.

“I appreciate it either way,” Liam said desperately wanting to get out and get some air.

All of a sudden the realization that he couldn’t have her the way he wanted, made it too hard to be around her. It was stifling and he needed to get away.

“What’s up with you? You seem like you don’t even want to be here” Krystal said being able to read his body language like a book.

Liam looked into her brown eyes and he could see her beautiful heart shaped lips trembling just slightly.

“I always want to be where you are. I just have a lot on my mind and you’re so beautiful you distract me. You make me want to do things I shouldn’t do”

“So let’s get out of here. We can go anywhere. We can go somewhere to make you forget the things on your mind and do the things you shouldn’t”

“Let’s go to a club” he suggested as he took out his money to pay for the dinner.

The club was loud and he was feeling the music. He went to the bar and got drinks for the two of them.

“Dance with me,” he said handing her a drink.

She smiled and pressed her body up against him.

He held her close as they danced. He wasn’t sure how many drinks he’d had or what time it was but all he knew was that he wanted her more than anything in the world.

He pressed his forehead against hers and focused on the sound of the music blaring loudly. He could feel her womanly curves against him and he tried his hardest not to get turned on by it. She placed his hands on her hips trying his hardest to be a gentlemen but the alcohol was on the verge of making him fail miserably. Her body felt so warm and comforting and her hair smelled like strawberries.

She looked into his eyes and she wanted to kiss him so badly. She looked at him seductively hoping that he would get the message.

Liam couldn’t hold back anymore and pulled her to him and kissed her lips deeply and passionately. The kiss sent a shock through him that rendered him powerless. He couldn’t feel his face and it was spreading like hot lava. After the numbness, it turned to a burning and tingling and it was the most amazing feeling he had ever felt. No other girl he had ever kissed made him feel like that and there were indeed many girls. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him back. His lips were soft and wet and tasted like corona and lime. She felt herself loosen up as their kiss took her to a place she’d never been. Her senses were in overdrive. His fingertips on her waist felt as if they were melting her clothes off of her. She needed to break away for a moment. They were tangled together for long enough that they both realized they needed to come up for air.

Liam felt hazy from the alcohol and he pulled her to him again.

“I want you so much,” he said between breaths knowing he should stay far away but not really caring.

Krystal was also feeling the rush of the alcohol.

“So have me then” she responded.

Her response gave him a reaction he tried all night to fight off and he felt it straining in his pants desperate to come out and play. He looked at her and she was biting her lower lip and that was all he needed to snap into action. Liam took her hand and they took a cab back to his place.

Once inside he was kissing her and caressing her. He was totally unaware of the repercussions of his actions. He was in the moment and he didn’t care. He started undressing her and she ran her hands over his crotch and he felt his chest tighten. He squeezed his eyes shut and the wall clock appeared. 3:15pm it glowed. He grabbed her hands just before they squeezed him and he pulled her up.

“What’s going on? Are you ok?” she asked when she saw how quickly his face paled.

“I-I can’t do this” he mumbled.

“It’s ok. We don’t have to. It was your idea. I just want to be with you” she said placing her hand on his cheek. She was disappointed because she had never been more turned on in her life but she saw his face and knew something was wrong.

Liam felt the alcohol hit him hard. He ran to the bathroom to vomit quickly but his head was still spinning. She hurried into the bathroom to help him. Tears were streaming from his eyes but he wasn’t making a single sound.

“Even with all the liquor it’s still there” he mumbled barely audible.

“Come on let’s get into bed,” she said as she helped him up.

They hobbled into the bedroom and she began to undress him. She took off his shirt first while silent tears continued to pour out of his eyes. Then she unbuttoned his jeans and let them fall to the ground. She pulled his boots off and pulled the blankets on his bed back. She covered him up and turned to leave when he grabbed her hand.

“Please don’t go. Stay with me” he begged.

“Just a minute. Let me change” she said grabbing his button down off the floor. She pulled it on over her head and squeezed into bed next to him.

She snuggled up against him and held him tightly as he drifted to sleep.

Liam saw the clock on the wall and he watched the second-hand tick until it went around the clock completely. The time was 3:15 and he had more time left to go. His mind and body refused to work together. They were pulling him in completely opposite directions. Would this all be worth it? Would he be able to come to school and not get punched in the face? Would he ever impress Charlotte Abbott? He returned to the clock and watched the second hand go around the clock repeatedly. One, two, three, four, five times etc. Only this time there was no end.

 Liam cried out and jolted up in a cold sweat. He looked around and realized he was in his apartment and Krystal was next to him. She sat up and rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

“I know something is wrong but I won’t pressure you. I’m here for you when you’re ready to talk about it” she said as she grabbed his hand in hers and kissed it gently.

“You don’t deserve this. I’m sorry for getting you all mixed up in my problems” Liam said sadly.

“Liam you’re my friend before anything else,” she said as she squeezed his hand.

He was so happy she was with him and she cared for him. It made him feel human. Normally he couldn’t stand the site of himself but with her around he felt lighter and happier. She invoked feelings in him about himself he didn’t know existed.

“Krystal I care about you but I can’t do this. I can’t be around you. It’s suffocating with everything else I got going on. I’m trying to figure this thing in my head out. I can’t ask you to wait for me while I sort this out” Liam said.

“I understand like I said Liam you’re my friend before anything else,” she said as a few tears slipped from her eyes.

Liam’s heart broke as he watched her tears fall. He felt guilty but he knew he needed to pull away. He pretended not to see the tears in the dark.

“Let’s just get some sleep,” he said laying back down and lacing his fingers in between hers. They both closed their eyes and held each other until they fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Liam awoke to an abundance of hate filling his social media like a cream filled a cupcake. He tread the waters carefully as he looked through his @ replies on Twitter. They were calling him a fake and a phony. If he was really bullied how could he decline coming back to his old school to talk to the kids about bullying? He was being called a jerk and an arrogant asshole. Too good to talk to the little people now that he overcame his bullying. It bothered him and hurt him deeply. Why couldn't they understand that being in Wolverhampton alone brought back memories he shoved so deep inside of him and that going back to the school where he was bullied would catapult them right back and they would be fresh in his mind? He trolled his emails and there was one from Krystal. He felt his heart beating like a pinball machine at just the site of her name. He opened the email and it read:

  I just read that you declined to go back to your school and talk to the kids about bullying. I know that must have been hard for you. I see what everyone is saying about you. But I know your heart and I know it's not true. Next month is the charity ball I still don't have a date if you change your mind. I know what you said and I'm ok going as friends. I'm always here to talk if you need me. Hope all is well.  Krystal.

  He felt so light when he was with her or thought about her. Her kindness gave him warmth. She knew his heart and that made his heart feel as if it grew like the Grinch. She made him feel like there was more of a purpose for him than pleasing the ladies. But all these physical changes inside of him while she was around being like nothing he ever felt. He didn't know what it was or how to explain it. But it was the best he ever felt and he never wanted it to end. He would continue to keep it inside, though. He didn't want to do anything to ruin the girl that knew his heart and made him feel like no one else could. He typed back. 

I'm fine. Thanks. I'll think about the ball. Hope all is well with you too. Liam

 There was one last thing he had to check. It was a voicemail from his mother. She was so upset. She went on about how he never comes home anymore and she feels like he's slipping away from her and how could he do this to the kids. There are kids that look up to him and she said she was sorry if she did anything to keep him away. He felt a lump in his throat made up of guilt and he decided he was going to do this lecture on bullying but on his terms. He made some calls and laid out his terms specifying that he would only talk to the kids. Teachers and faculty were welcome but he was not interested in meeting with them and he liked his personal space and was hoping that they would respect it. He decided he wasn't going to call his mom he'd rather just show up and surprise her. The next call was to the guys. They were going to have a writing session.  

 At 11:00 a.m. He arrived at Niall's place and they were all already there waiting for him.Liam walked in the door and there was a huge spread of snacks and soda all over the table and pens and paper scattered about.

 "Hey you made it just in time," Niall said waving him over.

Liam stopped for a moment to survey the snacks. He grabbed a plate and filled it with cheese crisps and some pretzels. The cupcakes also looked amazing. Niall could see Liam eyeing the cupcakes.

"Olivia made those by the way" Niall added.

 His girlfriend was quite the baker and was often spoiling Niall and the rest of us with fresh baked goods. That was enough to convince him to put one on his plate.

 "So back to what we're talking about?" Niall said to Louis and Harry.

 "I'm really just curious. Have either of you guys ever gotten a blow job from a girl?" Niall asked.

 Liam finished the bite of cupcake he was in the middle of and put his plate down. He felt his stomach turn at the thought and was no longer hungry.

 "I have," Louis said as he turned to look at Harry.

 "I haven't. I've just never been attracted to girls" Harry said.

 "I haven't either but I wanted to make sure before I came out," Louis said.

 "Did you like it?" Niall asked. Liam just sat there quietly with a look of disgust on his face.

 "I mean it was a blow job. Who doesn't like a job?" He laughed.

"It definitely made me realize that I'm gay though" Louis said.

"What's the matter with you? Why the face?" Niall asked Liam.

"I find blowjobs to be filthy and disgusting. I just don't think its right for someone to use your penis as a toy" Liam said. Silence washed over the group for several moments. Liam the ladies man didn't like getting a blow job. No one knew what to say.

 "I don't understand," Harry said.

"It's just filthy and I don't like it" Liam reconfirmed.

"Are you sure you had a good one?" Louis asked.

"The first time I had one my whole dick disappeared into her mouth. I felt so overwhelmed and my heart was beating so fast. I felt like I was losing control inside and I felt powerless and it was filthy" Liam said getting visibly upset. He was so upset that Niall could see the vein on the wrinkle on his forehead pulsing.

 "You're huge and she made your dick disappear?" Harry asked.

"Yes," Liam said squirming a bit on the couch.

"Amazing. Who is she?" Niall asked.

 "I told you guys. My first everything was with Charlotte Abbott. I had a bad crush on her in secondary school. And she wouldn't even give me the time of day until I made her cum when we were fifteen" he said half lying and a half telling the truth. The part about the crush on Charlotte and making her cum was all true but the part about her being the first was a lie.

 "Maybe you should give it another try with a girl who's not slutty and then you'll see it's not filthy. Maybe it's just the girls you're picking. How about Krystal? Don't you like her?" Louis asked.

 "I would never do that to her. I can't touch her at all or be around her right now. I lose control too easily" he said.

"So then you're in love with her?" Harry asked.

"What no," Liam said quickly. The thought of it terrified him.

"It sounds like love to me. What's the big deal? She's into you. Go for it" Niall said

 "I can't. I care for her too much" Liam said getting very uncomfortable.

He avoided the guys’ eyes the rest of the time while they played some chords and he scrolled through his phone. There was another email from Krystal. He opened it and he felt sick to his stomach.

 Liam I'm not going to push you to tell me what's going on but I'm not stupid either. I know something is wrong and you sent me a generic response back like we're not even friends. Don't push me out of your life.  Krystal

  Liam felt his insides tighten up. She was the last person in the world he wanted to upset. It caused him physical pain inside to hear that he hurt her.

 "I need some air," he said feeling very lightheaded.

 He felt anxious and the air in the room was stifling. He was sweating a lot all of a sudden and he stood up to go outside and that was the last thing he remembered. After a while, he wasn't sure how long it had been he opened his eyes and he saw two paramedics hovering over him. He sat up quickly taking all the wires and things off of him and started buttoning up his shirt.

"Sir we need to check you out," he said.

 "I'm fine. I just need to go home" Liam said trying to stand.

"Liam you passed out for gods sake let them check you out," Louis said.

"It was just anxiety. It happens sometimes. I just need to go and sleep it off. I'll be fine" Liam said fighting back.

"Please Liam" Niall begged as he grabbed his hand gently. Liam shook him off of him.

 "No," Liam said getting agitated. He was feeling attacked by them and it was making him lose control. He grabbed his keys and started for the door.

"At least let one of us drive you home" Niall begged again.

 "You know what. Fuck off. You guys had to keep pushing me about the blow job thing. It was upsetting me and you guys kept going so fuck you. I'm out of here” Liam said as he hurried out the door.

Niall went running after him but Harry grabbed his hand.

“Just let him be," Harry said.

“We can't just let him go like that" Niall said.

"We have to. He's not going to listen" Harry said. Deep down he knew he was right but it bothered him deeply. Something was really wrong with his friend.


	4. Chapter 4

It was ten p.m. as Liam’s taxi pulled up to his parents’ house in Wolverhampton. He gave the driver a tip and approached the house slowly. He missed his family a lot but he hated being home. There were lots of bad memories here. He probably should have told his parents he was coming but he wanted to surprise his mother. He just hoped that he wouldn’t be waking them up at this hour. He rang the bell and after a few moments, he could hear footsteps approaching. A moment later his father opened the door.

“Liam,” he said looking as surprised as he thought he’d be.

“I hope I didn’t wake you guys. Is it cool if I stay here for a few days? I’m talking to the kids at school this weekend” Liam said as if his father would turn him away.

“You’re always welcome here. We missed you so much” Geoff said embracing his son and planting a kiss on his cheek.

Liam was a bit stiff. He had a hard time accepting their embraces.

“Thanks, Dad,” he said scanning the living room as if he didn’t recognize his home.

“Come in the kitchen and have some coffee. Your mom is taking a shower she will be thrilled to see you”

Liam sat at the table and took out his phone while he waited for his father with the coffee. He was wondering if Charlotte Abbott still lived in town. He googled her name and found a Facebook profile for her. He created a profile with the bare minimum quickly and clicked on hers so he could view her page. From the looks of it, she appeared to be unmarried and still living in Wolverhampton. She was working at the Bilston Art Gallery. He was going to have to pay her a visit there tomorrow. His father sat down at the table and put a cup of coffee in front of him.

“Thanks,” Liam said welcoming the warmth of the mug in his cold hands.

“So how are you doing my son? You good? What’s new?” Geoff asked trying to be cool.

Every time he pries into Liam’s life too much he disappears for longer periods of time every time it happens and now that he’s an adult Geoff was afraid that he would disappear forever. He felt a very big disconnect in their relationship since Liam went on the XFactor. They used to be so close and now there is an obvious divide between them.

“I’m good. I’ve been mostly busy you know. We’ve been touring and recording nonstop haven’t had much time for anything else” Liam said mostly humoring his dad as his thoughts drifted to Charlotte.

 She was still very beautiful and to be absolutely frank he wondered if her pussy missed him because he wanted to give it to her bad. He imagined what it would feel like to be inside her. Maybe she was the cure he needed to break this cycle.

“Any lady friends?” Geoff asked thinking that maybe that would catch Liam’s interest at least.

“I always have time for the ladies. Don’t you know my reputation dad? I’m famous for my gifts” Liam said patting his crotch and sounding real smug and proud of himself.

“I didn’t teach you to sleep around and use women,” Geoff said taken aback by the son he hardly recognized.

“I’m not using anyone. They know exactly what they’re getting from me. No promises, just sex” Liam said sipping his coffee.

“Well if I were you I wouldn’t tell your mother it’ll only break her heart,” Geoff said.

“Why would I talk about sex with my mother?” Liam said sounding like a smartass.

“Cut the attitude,” Geoff said staring at his son in disbelief.

“Geoff I heard the bell is someone here?” Karen called to them.

“Come in the kitchen and see who it is” he called back.

Liam sat in the kitchen chair waiting for his mother. And then she appeared in the doorway.

“LIAM” she cried as she ran to him.

Liam got up and let his mother wrap her arms around him and he put his arms around her too. He missed his mother but yet at the same time he wanted to shudder. He would do anything to wiggle out of her grasp but he didn’t. He let her have her moment and then he sat down quickly.

“You look like such a man now,” Karen said caressing the hair on his cheek.

He shrugged as he turned his face away from her.

“I decided to talk to the kids about bullying and I wanted to surprise you,” Liam said staring at the floor.

“Oh, I don’t care about that stuff. I want to know about you. What’s been going on in your life?” she asked.

“Just recording and writing,” he said quietly.

“How come you never come home? It’s been a year since I’ve seen you. A year” Karen stressed.

“I’m busy mom. We have a lot of work to do” Liam lied. He didn’t want to answer her questions.

“I miss you so much. You’re my baby” she said coming over to kiss his forehead.

“Mom please stop. I’m not a baby. I’m a grown man. You’re suffocating me” he said getting agitated.

Karen was taken aback and she could feel tears in her eyes start to trickle out. Geoff stood up and got in his face.

“I don’t care what you say to me but you don’t ever speak to your mother like that” Geoff said.

“Geoff stop you’re upsetting him. He’s home. That’s all that matters” Karen said

“Stop defending him, Karen. He’s not the son we raised. He seems to have lost his manners and respect. The son we had would never talk to his parents like this” Geoff said angrily.

“Geoff please” Karen begged.

“If you want to sit here and be disrespected that’s on you but I’m not going to sit around and watch,” he said going into the other room.

“He’s just mad. He’ll get over it. But I’ll leave you, alone sweetheart. I don’t want to bother you” she said as she started walking away.

Liam felt the pangs in his chest and he stood up.

“Mum wait” he called after her.

She turned around to face him.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly. He didn’t want to be mean to his family and he wasn’t even mad at them but he didn’t know how else to cope with all the feelings coming home brought him.

“It’s ok. I know you must be tired. Why don’t you get some sleep and I’ll tell your sisters to come home? They would love to see you tomorrow” she said.

“Maybe we could do it tomorrow evening instead? I have something I want to do in the morning”

“Oh yeah what’s that?” she asked.

“I was going to go over to the Bilston Art Gallery,” he said.

“Liam you’ve been there one hundred times already. Why would you want to….Charlotte works there” she said as it suddenly dawned on her.

Liam felt himself blush.

“You still fancy her?” Karen asked.

“No, no mum. I just haven’t seen her in ages I thought it’d be nice to see how she was doing” Liam said.

“Ok, well maybe we can all go out and have a nice family dinner. How does that sound?” she asked.

“That sounds great mum,” he said kissing her cheek.

“Goodnight sweetheart,” she said as she went down the hallway to bed.

Liam went into his old room and he felt as if a brick of memories were being shoved into his brain. He tossed his bag on the floor and flopped back onto his bed. His room was pretty much the same as he left it with only a few updates. A new coat of paint, some curtains, and lamps, but basically the same room. He undressed and laid on his bed. He thought of Charlotte and that day he licked her pussy under the bleachers and he shoved his fingers into her so hard. He wondered about doing it to her now with a woman’s body and it made his dick stand straight up at attention. He decided he wanted to masturbate in his childhood bed because it was a filthy thing to do and he was filthy. He grabbed himself in his hands and started stroking himself slowly at first. He pulled his foreskin a bit and gripped the head and moved up and down on it. It felt so good and so safe. Masturbating was his favorite way to cum. He didn’t have to worry about someone using his penis as a toy.  But he was starting to feel like he needed a visual. He opened up his laptop and got up. He went rummaging through his desk drawer. He needed his 5-foot HDMI cable so he could plug it into the computer and watch the porn on his television. After a few minutes, he finally found it. He plugged it in and started browsing videos. He really liked to watch the older women with younger guys. It really got him going and made him cum violently. He needed to get off because he was going to give to Charlotte so fucking hard the next day and he didn’t want to cum too quickly. He settled on a video where a mother was seducing her daughter’s boyfriend and he was going getting hot quickly. He watched as the woman sat on the young guys face and the way she straddled him and rode him. It made Liam squirm a bit. He felt very uncomfortable as if he was the guy in the film. But his dick was telling him another story. It was swollen and throbbing and desperately needing to be drained. He returned his attention to the porn. The guy looked at the older woman obediently the entire him. It was his job to please the hot older woman. The guy was very much like him. He knew what he was supposed to do. Liam was so engrossed in the movie and he was jerking himself so hard he didn’t even realize that he was ready to cum. He pulled his foreskin up to hold it all in since he did not have a towel ready. He was definitely going to have to shower after this. He felt so filthy. He felt it wash over him and he moaned out loudly. He couldn’t stop himself. There was so much it made his body shake a bit and he fell out of bed onto the floor. He landed on his back and he let go of his foreskin and his warm cum went shooting everywhere. There was so much and it was still spouting out everywhere. It was so intense he couldn’t move. His chest was rising and falling and he was desperate to catch his breath. Just then Geoff came barreling into the room.

“I heard a crash,” he said as he looked down on his naked son and the mess he made.

“I fell out of bed. I’m fine” Liam said not at all embarrassed about what his father had witnessed.

“Jesus Liam clean this shit up and what the hell are you watching?” Geoff said turning his attention to the porn on his television

“I like the older ladies with the young studs making them submit,” Liam said with a laugh.

Geoff flashed back to a day when Liam was fifteen and he found that same porn on his computer. Liam was surprised to see his father in his room when he got home from school.

“What are you doing in my room? I locked the door” Liam yelled.

“Liam I need to talk to you about this,” Geoff said putting his finger on the mouse of the computer revealing a porn video Liam had watched. It was a teacher and a barely legal student. And she was teaching him about sex.

“You went on my computer?” Liam yelled again.

“I needed to use it. Your sister was using the other computer and I had some work to do. You’re not in trouble I just want to talk to you” Geoff explained.

“What?” Liam said.

“It’s ok to have these types of fantasies but you’re too young for the responsibility sex brings,” Geoff said.

“Dad I know how to please a woman. I can go down on a girl really well. They love it when I do it” Liam explained.

“Liam you’re too young to be doing that to any girl,” Geoff said.

“Dad you don’t understand. The bullying finally stopped. The girls like me now and the guys stopped bothering me because they want me to tell them how to make their girlfriends cum” Liam said. He was smiling ear to ear. Geoff was horrified.

“Liam you can’t go around doing that to every girl. You need to be safe and be with someone you care about and who cares about you” Geoff said.

“Dad the girls don’t want me to take them to dinner, they want my lips” Liam exclaimed brushing the hair out of his eyes.

“I know that you’re becoming a man and you’re horny and I can’t stop you but I am urging you to please slow down. Once the emotions catch up you might not be mature enough to handle them” Geoff said.

“Emotions?” Liam asked. He was confused. He never felt anything when he pleasured a girl. His mind totally blanked out until they made him stop.

“Liam sex is an emotional connection between two people who care about each other” Geoff stressed.

“I’m fine Dad” Liam lied. He was too ashamed to tell his dad that he didn’t feel anything. Little did he know seven years later he’d still be waiting for those emotions to show up.

“Do you have any questions for me?” Geoff asked.

“No,” Liam said wanting his dad to desperately leave his room.

“If you ever want to talk about it or ask me anything I’m always here for you,” Geoff said putting his hand on his sons back.

Geoff looked at his son and still saw the fifteen-year-old boy. After that memory,  he decided to have another sex talk with him. He felt that he had failed his son.

“Shut it off and come into the kitchen. We need to have a talk” Geoff said sternly.

“Dad I’m twenty-two years old. I’m not going to have a sex talk with you” Liam laughed.

“When you come home acting like an asshole and making a mess like that in my house you’ll do whatever I say,” Geoff said.

Liam grabbed a pair of boxer briefs and basketball shorts and pulled them on. He felt his skin crawling. He wanted to shower desperately to wash the filth away. He cleaned up the mess with a towel and shut off his porn. He was really in no mood to talk to his dad but he went in the living room anyway.

“What’s up dad?” he asked as he slumped onto the couch.

“How many women have you had sex with?” Geoff asked him point blank.

“It depends on what kind of sex you’re talking about. Different number for different kinds of sex” Liam said staring at his father.

“How many?” Geoff repeated.

“Thirty oral, twenty-five intercourse and three anal” Liam said giving it to him straight.

“Jesus Liam you’re only twenty-two. How many will it be in five years? In ten years?” Geoff said.

“Hopefully not too many. I’d like to settle down” Liam said.

“How can you settle down when you don’t date women?”

“I won’t date them because they only want one thing from me. They all know what my gifts are and they all want a piece” Liam said.

“I can’t believe that you can’t find a nice girl that just wants a boyfriend,” Geoff said.

“There’s nothing but hoes in LA dad” he exclaimed.

“You’ve been like this since you were sixteen years old. I thought you were just a horny teenage boy and a bit girl crazy but now I’m not so sure. Are you a sex addict?” Geoff asked him.

“What? NO” Liam said sounding very offended.

“You’re sitting in front of me and you look like my son, you sound like my son yet I don’t recognize you at all. You’re going down a path that I don’t like and if you don’t figure it out soon then I’m afraid I’m going to lose you forever” Geoff said getting a bit emotional.

“Dad chill,” Liam said.

“Don’t you tell me to chill. Do you know how hard we tried for a son? And we were finally blessed with a boy and you were sick. And we did everything we could to make you better. You made your mother and sisters and me so proud of everything you’ve accomplished and overcome and you never come home. Do you know I hear your mom crying sometimes at night because she misses you? But she always makes some excuse about why it’s not your fault that you don’t come home. But deep down she thinks you hate her” Geoff said.

Liam felt sick to his stomach. He never wanted his mother to think that about him like that but being in Wolverhampton was suffocating and it caused him a lot of pain to be here.

“It’s not mom or you or anyone but being in Wolverhampton brings me to an unhappy place. It’s full of bad memories from when I was bullied ” He said quietly.

“I understand but we’re your family and you need to know that you’re always safe here. All I’m asking is that you make an effort to at least call your mom. It makes her so happy and I don’t want to hear her crying anymore at night” Geoff said.

“You’re right dad. I’m sorry. I promise I will call more and really try and make an effort” Liam said.

“And slow down with the girls ok,” Geoff said getting up.

“Goodnight Dad,” Liam said as he followed him down the hall. He was going to take a quick shower and hop straight into bed.


	5. Chapter 5

Liam woke up and he was thinking about Charlotte immediately. He thought of the last time he saw her at a Tesco with her boyfriend one random day he had been home before their first tour. She smiled at him and he knew she remembered that day under the bleachers. He smiled back knowing full well that the man she was with couldn’t do what he could do and that gave him great satisfaction. He hopped out of bed and went into the kitchen to have a fast breakfast. His mother was in the living room when he walked passed.

“Good morning Liam,” she said as she hurried to meet him.

“Morning,” he said giving her a small smile.

“Do you want breakfast?” she asked joining him in the kitchen.

“No mom I’m good. I’m just going to make a protein shake” he said

“Liam that’s not breakfast,” Karen said.

“Mum, I have this every day. It’s enough” Liam explained.

“I can make anything you want” she offered.

“That’s sweet mum but I’m just going to drink this and then get in the shower and head out”

“And you’re joining us for dinner right?” she asked.

“I promise,” Liam said as he started blending his shake.

He gave it three spins and then opened the top. It smelled terrible but he downed it in a few gulps and headed to the bathroom. The one thing he always did before meeting a woman was to make sure he was extra clean. He let the warm water run over him. It felt so nice. He felt disgusting after masturbating the night before and he was too tired to shower. The water was washing away the filth from his mind and his hands. He grabbed the soap and scrubbed himself so hard everywhere. He kept scrubbing and scrubbing everywhere that couldn’t be seen in clothes and he turned the water up until it scalded his skin. He scrubbed some more until he finally felt clean and his skin was red everywhere except his face, neck, and hands. He didn’t want anyone to see how red he was. He grabbed his father’s bathrobe off the back of the door and put it on quickly. He opened the door and hurried quickly into his bedroom. He grabbed some Chanel bleu cologne and a bit of hair wax while he called for a car and dressed quickly.

“Ok mum I’ll see you later,” he said as he ran out the door as his taxi pulled up.

Liam hopped into the car and he was getting fidgety. He couldn’t wait to see Charlotte. He was excited to have sex with her but he was even more excited to fix this funk in his head. He was a thousand percent sure that Charlotte was the answer. He wanted to have sex without blacking out and feel something again. He was in a great mood. He was looking forward to having a nice dinner with his family without feeling filthy about what he did with Charlotte. If he fixed his mind then he could go to the charity ball with Krystal and everything could only get better from there.

“Bilston Art Gallery,” he said to the taxi driver as he slouched back into the seat and tried to relax. Thoughts about going to the school were the farthest things from his mind even though it was only a day away. He was only going to think of Charlotte and how hard he was going to fuck her. After about ten minutes the driver dropped him off. He walked into the gallery and it was the same as it’s always been. He could see her as soon as he walked in but she didn’t see him. He took a minute to watch her and admire her beauty before walking up to get a ticket. Liam watched as she handed customers tickets while her long, wavy, flaxen hair cascaded over her shoulder. Her eyes were big and blue as an infinity pool on a sunny day. The sparkled even before she move into the rays of sunlight pouring over the desk. Her skin was milky white with a dewy finish and she really was beautiful. She really was beautiful and it didn’t bother Liam in the slightest that she only talked to him after he had made her cum. He still would have dated her if things were different. Now she would only get sex from him. He continued to watch her from afar wondering if this could be their chance. If they chatted and got on really well and she didn’t want to have sex and she actually wanted to spend time with him then he was going to be faced with a really tough decision. Because Krystal was always in the back of his mind. She made him feel like he could lose control of his emotions at any time and that scared the hell out of him, especially since the guys were saying that he was in love with her. He couldn’t even think about that. He was never going to find out until he fixed the funk in his brain so he walked up to the desk quietly.

“I’d like one ticket please,” he said.

Charlotte took a ticket out of the drawer and looked up to hand it to Liam.

“Oh my God Liam. What are you doing here?” she asked him smiling.

“I came to see you,” he said turning on his natural charm.

“No I mean what are you doing in Wolverhampton. Aren’t you some big superstar now?” she asked.

“I’m here for a few days. Tomorrow I go to the school to talk to the kids about bullying” Liam said.

“That’s really great. It’s so nice of you to do. You’re a great role model” she said

“I try. So what time do you get done here?” Liam asked.

“I get finished in about twenty minutes actually,” she said

“You want to grab some lunch and catch up?” he asked as he looked at her beautiful face.

“I’d like that”

“Well I’m going to look around while you finish up here,” he said.

“Ok great,” she said excitedly. She couldn’t believe how handsome and manly he looked. She wondered if he still had the same feelings about her that he did in high school. He really filled out his shirt and she wondered what it looked like underneath.

Liam wandered about the gallery and his phone began buzzing in his hand. It was Krystal. He felt his heart jump a little. He hated when it did that. It always caught him off guard. He was on the fence about answering it. He didn’t want to be thinking of Krystal while he was with Charlotte but he had been dodging her calls for about a week and he didn’t want to upset her anymore. He decided it was best to pick up the phone.

“Hi,” he said quietly.

He listened for a moment while she went off on him for ignoring her.

“I’m sorry” was all he could really say in response. He wasn’t going to give her an excuse.

“Liam I just want to make sure you’re ok. You passed out at a writing session and then you just disappeared. I called all the guys and no one knows where you are” she said

“I’m fine. I’m at my parents’ house in England. I’m talking to the kids at the school tomorrow”

“I’m just glad you’re ok. I was so worried about you” she said.

“You don’t need to worry about me. I’m fine. I think I may have a solution to the funk I’m in. Hopefully, everything goes as planned and I’ll be back next week to sweep you off your feet” he said feeling that hard thump in his chest again.

“Don’t worry about me just get better?” she said softly.

“I will. I’ll see you when I get back” he said as he hung up.

“Was that your girlfriend?” Charlotte asked coming up behind him.

“My girlfriend? Uh no. I don’t have a girlfriend” he said quickly. Even though it wasn’t a lie he still felt guilty.

“Oh that’s good to know,” she said putting her hand on his shoulder.

“You ready to get out of here?” he asked.

“Yeah let’s go”

The pair walked out and got into her car and drove to the local deli to get some sandwiches for lunch. They talked and laughed and for quite a while. Liam was going to have to make his move now if he was going to make it in time for dinner with his family.

“So where are you living now?” he asked hoping she would invite him back.

“Actually, I have a place around the corner from your parents. Would you like to come back with me?” she asked

Bingo, he thought. This was going great.

“I’d love too,” he said.

They got into her car and she put her free hand on his thigh while they drove. He looked over at her and smiled. She wanted him and he knew it. He reached his hand over and felt her breast softly while she drove. She let out a soft moan and he felt his cock jump. He wanted to reach over and grab the wheel and press the pedal down and speed the rest of the way to her house but he sat patiently instead.

Once they got inside he didn’t waste any time. He pulled her to him and kissed her passionately. He ripped apart her button down shirt and hiked her skirt up. He kissed her gorgeous breasts which were now a grown woman's size and he kissed down her belly button. He pushed her against the wall and got down on his knees.

“Liam” she moaned breathily.

“Did you miss me?” he asked as he pulled her panties over and spread her apart.

“God yes. No one has ever made me feel the way you do” she said.

Liam felt the pressure inside his jeans and undid his pants while he licked her clit furiously. He licked her for a few moments and then he added a finger and that’s when his mind blanked out. Once again he did it until she was literally grabbing his hair and pulling him off of her.

“I’m sorry. I just get a bit carried away sometimes” he lied. He was so disappointed that he couldn’t feel anything yet again.

“It’s ok. Now what about you?” she said reaching for his crotch.

“No, you’re too pretty for that. But I am going to fuck the shit out of you” he said spinning her so that her back was to him. He leads her over to the couch and bent her over it.

“Liam,” she said excitedly.

“I’ve been thinking about this since I got here last night,” he said pulling her panties all the way down.

He smacked her firm round ass and it really started to get him going. He was hopeful that this was what he needed to fix himself. He put a condom on and entered her very slowly. He knew his size and he didn’t want to hurt her.

“Jesus Liam you’re so big,” Charlotte said barely audible. Her pleasure made it hard for her to speak.

“I’m not all the way in yet,” he said.

“Oh fuck. I need you to be inside me. Please just put it all in” she begged.

“Oh you’re a dirty little slut aren’t you?” he said as he pressed further in.

She moaned out and he stopped suddenly.

“Did I hurt you?” he asked.

“God no please fuck me” she begged.

Liam started slowly at first and his mind was clear. She moaned with every thrust as her body adjusted to him. The more adjusted she got her moans became louder and his mind started to space out. By the time, he was pounding into her and she was screaming in pleasure his mind was totally blank. Liam had no idea how long it had gone on but he needed to cum. She pulled him out of her and it snapped him out of it.

“What’s the matter?” he said.

“I can’t cum anymore it’s just too intense,” she said. There were a few tears in her eyes.

“Did I hurt you?” he asked.

“No, these tears poured out when I came the first time. And then I had a second and it was a double o and now my whole body is shaking. But you didn’t finish so let me give you a blow job at least” she suggested.

“No, I’ll just jerk off. Will you watch me? It’d be hot” he said.

“Ok,” she said as she watched Liam abuse his penis. The next thing she knew his dick erupted like a volcano. There was so much cum it dripped down his hands and penis and it was everywhere.

Liam felt so disgusting. This was not how he wanted this to end up. He wasn’t cured at all and he couldn’t understand why.

“Can I take a shower?” he asked suddenly in a panic. He needed to be clean. He couldn’t have this filth all over him. He was so disgusting and his mother would know if he showed up to dinner that way. What would she think of him then? Charlotte was taken aback by his sense of urgency.

“Yeah the bathroom is upstairs on the right,” she said.

Liam’s whole family including both of his sister’s boyfriends were waiting for him at the restaurant. They let ten minutes go by before they decided on ordering drinks.

“Hey sup,” Liam said flopping down onto his chair looking as smug and arrogant as he ever has in his life. He took his hand and wiped at his beard.

“It’s ok don’t get up to hug me or anything” his sister Ruth said.

Liam rolled his eyes and leaned over and barely put his arm around his sister and gave her a pat.

“Wow, what crawled up your ass. I haven’t seen you in a year. You’re being a real asshole” Ruth said.

“Don’t be jealous Ruth because I made something of myself and you didn’t. Are You still working at the pharmacy? Good luck with that. Every family has one loser” Liam said rudely.

“How dare you talk to me like that?” she asked.

“I’ll talk to you any way I want,” Liam said.

“You better shut your mouth and talk to her with respect,” Ruth’s boyfriend Thomas said coming to her defense.

“You need to mind your business and stay out of our family affairs,” Liam said.

“It is my business when you’re talking to my girlfriend that way,” he said.

“You want to do this?” Liam asked getting to his feet.

“I’m not scared of you. Let’s go” Thomas said also standing up.

“Please boys you’re embarrassing me,” Karen said quietly.

“Liam you better sit the fuck down,” Geoff said losing his patience quickly.

“What are you embarrassed by mum? I’m a superstar. Ruth is the one you should be embarrassed by” Liam said taking another dig at his sister.

“You might not live here anymore but I do. I have to see these people again. All I wanted was one dinner with all three of my children here and you had to start a fight” Karen said as tears started to well up in her eyes.

“I mean it Liam. You’re going to sit the fuck down and have this dinner and keep your mouth shut” Geoff said.

“And you guys wonder why I never come home. I’m out of here and I won’t be back. Enjoy your dinner” he said throwing a stack of money onto the table and storming out of the restaurant.


	6. Chapter 6

Liam stood backstage in his school's auditorium. He opened the flask he snuck in and took a heavy swig of rum. He just needed a sip to take the edge off he told himself. He was still upset about Charlotte not being the key to unblocking his brain and his family hadn't tried to call him at all. He felt a deep pain in his heart. He missed all the fun he used to have with his parents and his sisters. Things would never be like that again. And on top of all of it, he had no idea what he was about to face. He was going to have to share this vulnerable part of himself to impressionable kids. He was going to have to talk about private things that he'd hope he would have forgotten by now. He heard them announce his name and he walked out and scanned the crowd.

He was faced with eager, impressionable young minds. He could tell easily what role each kid played. He could see the jocks and the bullies. He could see clusters of the pretty popular girls gossiping and giggling. And then he saw himself. A young friendly kid with ever-fluctuating weight and a batman t-shirt. And he was sitting with other outcasts. He started his speech by asking the crowd by a show of hands who had a best friend. Almost every kid raised their hand. Then he asked a general question and didn't want to put anyone on the spot.

"Do you ever look at those who didn't raise their hands and wonder why? I was that kid and it was because I was bullied from the time I entered school."They looked at him intently, waiting for him to continue.

"I was bullied for being sick. I had only one functioning kidney and I was a bit chubby. And if I said anything to defend myself I was punched in the face" He scanned the crowd again at the faces.

"I had to learn to box just to defend myself and during a fight I broke my nose and it'll never be the same again and it was a because of someone's words. We often don't think about the words that come out of our mouth. Imagine being bullied for something you have no control over or something you can't change. How would that make you feel?" He asked again as he scanned the crowd.

"To make fun of someone because they have a disease they can't help or because they wear glasses or braces or because they are short. They are going to live their lives thinking their inadequate because their height wasn't good enough for the kids at school"

”To alienate, someone for something they can't change is the worst thing you can do to them. I was lucky I had a talent and I got to leave it all behind me but not every kid is that lucky" he said. He saw a kid with his hand raised. He pointed to him and the kid asked his question.

"What was your talent?" he asked.

Liam felt his heart racing a bit and he was sweating profusely. He looked around and there she was in the back hidden amongst the cluster of teachers. She winked at him and he felt himself get light headed. His eyes were glassy and lost as he went back in time.

It was 2:20 p.m. And he went to his guidance counselor’s office. It happened again and he needed to talk about it.

"Liam come in," she said smiling at him as she walked around her desk and sat on the edge of it with her legs crossed. Liam was staring at her long luscious legs and the cleavage spilling out of her button down blouse. They did a CPR class that day and he got excited when Charlotte had to practice reviving him. He couldn't control his excitement and the rest of the day everyone was calling him Woody. His guidance counselor Ms. Harrington was smoking hot, all the guys in school talked about how they wanted to bang her. The last thing he wanted to do was talk about it with her. He couldn't help but stare at her cleavage. It was so inviting.

"Liam tell me what happened," she said placing her hand on his thigh and rubbing it gently. He tried to focus on what happened and not where her hand was.

"We learned CPR today and Charlotte had to revive me and I-I" he could barely sputter out.

"And you got excited?" she asked. Liam nodded. He was mortified.

 "That's perfectly normal. You're a teenage boy with hormones" she said patting his leg again.

 "Now Charlotte will never like me. She thinks I'm some kind of pervert" Liam said quietly looking down. She lifted his head up gently.

 "How could she not love a beautiful boy like you?" She said running her hand down his cheek.

"I-I " he sputtered again.

"Do you want it to end?" she asked as she got up to lock the door without his knowledge.

 "Yes I'll do anything" Liam begged.

 "Are you sure because I have tried to help other boys and they weren't mature enough to handle it.”

"I can do it. Whatever it is. Tell me" Liam said.

Ms. Harrington sat back on her desk and hiked her skirt up to reveal her thigh-high stockings and some lacy panties.

"If you want this to end I need you to do everything I tell you," she said unbuttoning her top to reveal a black lace bra to match her panties. Liam felt himself get excited like he did when Charlotte gave him CPR. He fantasized about Ms.Harrington sometimes too. He didn’t know what was going to happen. He was so nervous and excited and he felt as if his heart was going to pop out of his chest. He squeezed his eyes shut and he was back on stage.

 "It was, it was my voice. I could sing really well and I tried out for XFactor and they formed a group called One Direction" he said his voice a bit croaky.

“Excuse me,”

 He looked to the left and got up and walked off stage. He found the first person he could find.

 "I need the lights turned off. I don't want to see their faces. I can't see their faces." He reached into his pocket and swigged more rum

. "Are you ok?" one of the moderators asked.

 "This is just hard for me. It's bringing up some bad memories". Liam forced himself back out there with a bottle of water.

 "Sorry everyone my throat was a bit dry," he said feeling only slightly relieved that he couldn’t see their faces anymore.

"So we're going to spend the next half-hour taking questions from the students”

Liam answered the kids questions quickly trying to play it as cool as possible. When he was finally free he went to the bathroom and called for a car. He was going back to L.A. immediately. He splashed water on his face. He felt stifled. He should never have come home. He was going to hide for about ten minutes until his car showed up and then he was off to Heathrow. He didn’t care what it cost him he needed to be on the next available flight to LAX. Everything in his mind was so far away now. He didn't remember the fight with his family or the disappointment that he had felt when his mind blanked out again even with Charlotte. All he could see was her winking at him. There were teachers and other faculty waiting to talk to Liam but he slipped out the back door without notifying anyone that he was leaving. His car arrived and he was frantic. He was white as a sheet and staring into space not speaking .He didn’t know what to do with his own mind for the next fourteen hours. It would be at least four hours until they got to Heathrow and then a ten-hour flight to L.A. He wanted to drink desperately but he knew with his kidneys he couldn’t drink for fourteen hours. He also had an Ambien but he wanted to save that for most of his ten-hour flight. He looked at his phone and there were five missed calls from Paddy his security guard. He looked at his phone which wasn’t on vibrate. When had he called five times? Was he so out of his mind that he didn’t hear the phone ring? He sent Paddy a text.

_I’m ok. On my way to Heathrow. I’m getting on the first flight back to LAX_

Paddy sent him back. _Liam that’s dangerous. Fans are always waiting there. Someone could attack you_

Liam responded with. _You work for me. I’m not your friend and I’m not your son. I will go wherever I want, whenever I want. I don’t need you. Enjoy your free paid vacation._

Paddy stopped answering him after that and Liam was relieved. The last thing he needed was his employee getting on his back. His mind was going insane and he needed something to do or someone to talk to. But who was still talking to him? Who could put off his unending misery for awhile? He looked at his watch. Only a half an hour had passed. Krystal, he thought. He opened his phone and dialed her number.

“Hello,” she said into the phone softly.

“Hi gorgeous,” Liam said trying to hide his despair. He didn’t want to talk about it. He just wanted it to die and he didn’t understand how after seven years all of it could come back. He didn’t understand why it bothered him so much anyway. He learned so much from that experience and it made him who he was today.

“What are you up to?” she asked.

“I’m coming home. I’m on my way to Heathrow” he said.

“I thought you weren’t coming home until Monday?” she asked.

“I had a change of plans. I just need to get out of England you know. I miss the L.A. sunshine and a certain girl who lives there” he said.

“Oh yeah, lucky girl. Do I know her?” she teased.

“I think you do. She’s a really great friend of mine. She’s funny and smart and smoking hot” Liam said trying to focus on the joy and laughter in her voice. He needed it or he was going to go for either the Ambien or the alcohol.

“Yeah I think I do know her. I heard that she has been after Liam for five years. It took him forever to notice her”

“He definitely noticed her and was perhaps too intimidated by her beauty and almost positive she had a boyfriend”

She was temporarily taking him away from the pinball machine in his brain. He let himself feel nice for the few moments he could feel happiness.

“How did it go with the kids?” she asked.

“Good, I guess. I hope I got through to them. Tell me what you’ve been up to?” Liam asked hoping she had some long stories to take up more time.

She did and he listened. They ended up talking for two hours. And now he was ninety minutes away from his destination. When he hung up with her he searched his bag and pulled out his ear buds and iPod. He put the volume all the way up until it hurt his ears. The pulsing caused immense pain and it felt as if his ears were ringing a bit but he was thankful. All he could focus on was the pain in his ears and not the whirlwind in his mind.

They finally arrived at LAX and Liam went up to the counter to see if there were any seats left on the flight departing to LAX. He was relieved to find out that one was boarding in ten minutes and had an open seat in first class. Liam went through security and hurried to his gate. He made it just in time. He found his seat and asked for water. A few minutes after it arrived he reclined his chair and popped an Ambien it was time to sleep this off. He just prayed he wouldn’t wake up until he was in L.A.

Seven hours later Liam opened his eyes and he felt groggy. He looked at his watch and there were still three hours left. He didn’t want to take another Ambien because then he wouldn’t be able to wake up when they landed. He put his chair back up and decided to take a few minutes to clear his mind and let some of the grogginess wear off. He lasted about ten minutes when he saw her wink at him again. He immediately ordered a double shot of whiskey. He completely forgot about the risks of taking Ambien and drinking alcohol. He just kept seeing her face winking at him and he was running his hair through his hands ready to rip it out.

“Here you are sir,” the flight attendant said handing him his drink.

Liam downed it in a few sips and he could still see her.

“I’m going to need another one, Melissa,” he said reading her name tag.

The second one came and he downed that just as quickly. He could feel it running through him this time. He laid back and enjoyed the warmth that was starting to wash over him. He put his head back and he was back in the school with Ms. Harrington.

“Ms. Harrington, what are you doing?” he studdered.

“Have you ever been with a girl?” she asked as he watched her slid her hand down into her lacy panties and rub herself gently.

Liam was mesmerized and couldn’t take his eyes off of the rhythm of her hand.

“No,” he said not taking his eyes off her.

“You need to learn how to please a woman if you ever want to get Charlotte’s attention. And once you please her the word will get around and the bullying will stop. But you need to let me show you” she cooed.

“Ms. Harrington what if someone finds out? I’ll get in trouble” Liam said. He was so confused. His mind was telling him not to go through with it but his body was telling him yes.

She took her shirt off and pulled her skirt down all the way. She was standing before him in her lacy bra and lacy thong.

“Liam you won’t get in trouble unless you tell someone about this. I’m not going to tell anyone. You told me you were mature enough to handle this” she said.

“I-I am,” he said taking a deep breath.

She unsnapped her bra and let it fall down. Liam felt himself straining in his pants. His mind was going wild. He was afraid that he felt so lucky. He felt privileged to be chosen by his hot guidance counselor. She grabbed his hands and placed them on her breasts. She let him squeeze them for a few minutes to get over the shock.

“Stand up,” she said. He stood up quickly. He wanted to do everything she told him.

“Suck on my nipples. You always start here and if you do it good the girls vagina will get wet” she instructed.

Liam did as he was told sucking on her nipples making sure to pay attention to each of them equally.

“Ok now take your pants off underwear too,” she said.

Liam hesitated for a moment. He didn’t want too. He didn’t mind touching her but this wasn’t part of pleasing a girl. She glared at him.

“You know what. I guess we’re just going to have to stop this session and you’ll be bullied for the rest of your life,” she said reaching down to get her skirt.

Liam took a deep breath and told himself to be brave. He pulled his pants and boxer shorts all the way down to his feet.

“That’s more like it” she said with a smile.

“Liam you’re huge. Do you how good that feels for a lady? You’re blessed. You should be bragging about it instead of hiding it. You can easily shut down some of the bullyings by telling the other guys they have small cocks” she explained.

Liam blushed but yet he was beaming at the same time. This was the best compliment he ever received and it was from a real woman and she was hot.

“Sit down,” she instructed.

Liam sat down and before he had a moment to think he was in her mouth. He looked down and his entire penis was gone.

Liam squeezed his eyes shut and when he opened them he was still on the plane with an hour left. He ordered another double shock of whiskey. He was really feeling groggy and he put his head back again. He was back at the school. It was 2:45 p.m.

Liam felt his heart racing. He wanted her to stop. She hadn’t asked him or even warned him. But he was paralyzed by the amazing pleasure going through his body. He literally couldn’t speak. And then it happened and he had his first orgasm that he didn’t give himself. There was a lot of it was messy. She got up and wiped at the corner of her mouth with her tongue.

“Wow, that was a lot and it was so hot. It was your first time and I bet it felt so good that you couldn’t think but for future reference, not every girl swallows. You have to give them a bit of a warning when it’s going to happen so they have a chance to pull off”

Liam nodded that he understood and awaited her next command. He ignored the feeling in the back of his head that made him feel like he needed to shower.

She leaned back on the desk and pulled her panties off.

“Come here,” she said

Liam went over and her naked body was making his mind think of dirty things.

“You know what the clit is?” she asked.

Liam nodded. He knew what it was from the porn videos he watched. He loved watching two girls go down on each other.

“You need to lick and suck the clit until the girl cums. And if she’s a really special girl you stick a finger inside of her at the same time that you suck it. One if she is inexperienced and two if she is more experienced and you can keep adding them as her body adjusts to it. For me, you can start with two. Do it”

Liam spread her open and enveloped her clit between his lips. He sucked her for a few minutes as he slid his fingers in. It was so much hotter than he imagined it would be. He felt himself get hard again and all he could think about was how he needed to get good at this so he could impress Charlotte. He was so into it. He just wanted to be good at it. He hoped he impressed her. And then he felt her contracting against his fingers and her body was shaking and he realized that he made her cum. Once her body calmed down he pulled off and looked at her.

“Liam you’re a natural but we will have to work on it again. Some girls are a bit more aggressive and they will want to sit on your face. You’ll need to be able to do it in other positions” she said.

Liam felt himself blush again.

“Did it really feel good for you?” he asked mostly because he wanted to hear it again.

“You did a great job. No go on the couch and lay down” she instructed.

He laid there not sure what was coming next. She walked over to join him and she had a condom in her hand.

Liam was hitting the drink bell at his seat to call a flight attendant repeatedly.

“I need another drink. Whatever you can give me that’s the strongest” he said slowly trying his best to stay coherent. He was super sleepy but he couldn’t make her go away.

He looked at her with the condom in her hand and the clock behind her said 3:00 p.m.

“What are you doing?” he asked sitting up hesitantly.

“Now you’re going to fuck me,” she said so nonchalantly.

“But I’m a virgin,” he said.

“I know and I bet Charlotte isn’t,” she said using her as a weapon.

“I want my first time to be special,” he said.

“What’s more special than fucking your hot guidance counselor?” she said as she slid the condom down on him.

“I don’t want to,” he said suddenly feeling a bit of panic.

“Well, you don’t have a choice. You said you could handle it and you’re mine until 3:15 to do whatever I want with. Besides, if you don’t do this I’ll call your mom and tell her and she will be so disgusted with you. She will kick you out. I heard her at parent-teacher conference talking to some of the other moms. She said she was so proud of her kids for being so good. She said if any of her kids had sex she’d be disgusted and disappointed and kick you guys out”

Liam was horrified. He had no chance to respond before she sat on his hard cock. She rocked herself up and down on it and he felt sensations go through him that he couldn’t explain. But at the same time, he felt sick to his stomach and he wanted her to get off of him. But again the sensations he felt overpowered his ability to speak up. It wasn’t long until he had an orgasm. He felt himself explode and it was over quicker than it started.

She sat up and smiled.

“Perfect timing. It’s 3:15. You’re free to clean up and go. Now I trust that you’ll be a man and keep this between us” she said lifting his chin up with her hand.

He nodded without looking at her eyes.

“I want to see you every day after school. There is a lot more we have to work on”

Liam’s plane finally landed and he felt really disoriented. He was wandering about the plane and he was getting upset. He was extremely confused.

“Where’s Harry?” he said grabbing one of the flight attendants.

“I’m not sure who you’re talking about sir,” she said trying to back away from him.

“We’re in L.A. he’s here too” Liam slurred a bit.

“Sir have a seat here while we go get him for you,” she said as she dialed security.

A couple of minutes later two security officers grabbed a confused Liam and brought him to their office to detain him. They had a number of questions for him for which he couldn’t answer. All he kept mumbling was Harry.

“Harry is not here sir. We can call him for you if you put your passcode into the phone or we can call the police and you’ll spend a night in jail” the man tried to explain to Liam.

Liam pressed his fingerprint in to unlock it and he dropped his head in his lap. Everything was so slow and sleepy. He hoped Harry would be here soon.

Harry was asleep in bed when he received the phone call.

“Hello,” Harry said groggily.

“Are you Harry Styles?” the man asked.

“Yes, I am who's asking?” Harry said rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

“This is the security office at LAX. We have Liam Payne here. He’s been detained because he appears to very intoxicated and disoriented. He kept muttering your name. You can either come get him or we’re going to call the police and he will spend the night in jail”

“I’ll be right there” Harry grumbled as he struggled to get dressed in the dark.

He was furious. He was going to let Liam have it when he got there. And he was definitely going to tell Louis about it and let him give it to Liam too. He got in his car and drove all the way to LAX. Lucky for him it was the middle of the night and there was no traffic. He marched his way down to the security office and Liam looked like hell. Harry signed some paperwork and grabbed Liam.

“Hrry” Liam said as he stood up and then he was on the floor.

Harry ran to him and his pulse was dangerously low.

“Call 911,” Harry said as he stayed with his friend. He was afraid he was trying to drink himself to death.


	7. Chapter 7

Liam opened his eyes it took him several moments to process where he was. He looked up he could see Harry staring at him.

“What the hell are you trying to kill yourself?” Harry scolded him.

“It was an accident. I took an Ambien and slept most of the flight and then I was feeling down and there was still 3 hours left of the flight and I knew I couldn’t take another Ambien. I just needed to take the edge off” Liam said.

“Liam you had way more alcohol than that in your system. What could possibly have been so bad for you to do this to yourself?”

“Harry you don’t understand when I get upset it needs to be out of my head. I will do anything to get it out of my head and I don’t think of anything else except getting it out of my head. I can’t help it” Liam said.

“You have to help it. You’re a grown man. You can’t make mistakes like that. I came to get you at 2 a.m.” Harry scolded.

“Oh fuck off Harry. I’d do the same for you, for any of you guys and you know it” Liam shot back.

“Are you fucking kidding me? I get woken up in the middle of the night from a phone call telling me I need to come get you from airport security or they are going to call the police because you got drunk and then I get there and you drop to the floor and almost die in front of me. I hope you know I called your parents”

“Why would you do that? You had no right. Why do you think I came home so quickly? I’m not speaking to my family at this moment and you better hope they don’t show up here”

“Or what Liam? What are you going to fight me? Your mum was frantic when I called. I told her you were going to be alright”

“I want you to leave,” Liam said his eyes were stone cold.

“Liam you keep pushing everyone who cares about you away. Me, Lou, Niall, your family, Krystal, if you keep doing that you’re going to end up all alone” Harry said.

“Don’t pretend like you know me, Harry. Don’t pretend like suddenly we’re the best of friends” Liam said even though Harry had never done anything to him.

“You’re really an ungrateful bastard. Next time call someone else” Harry said as he headed for the door.

“If Niall was in L.A. I would have called him” Liam called after him.

He squeezed his eyes shut and felt tears welling up. Maybe he’d have been better off if Harry refused to come pick him up. Maybe he’d be better off if he’d had only one more drink. He thought about his poor mother and how she must be feeling and just like that his phone buzzed started to ring. And it was his family home. He pressed the accepted button and put the phone to his ear not knowing what to expect.

“Hi,” he said softly waiting to hear who was on the phone. He could hear both his mother and father’s voices so he figured he must be on speaker phone.

“Are you alright son?” Geoff asked.

“Yeah I’m fine. They just need to flush my system but I will be ok” Liam said quietly.

“Liam, are you sure you’re ok? Do you want me to get on a plane? I will” Karen said quietly.

“No Karen that isn’t going to change anything. What the hell were you thinking son?” Geoff barked into the phone.

“Geoff,” Karen said trying to interrupt.

“Just give me the phone,” Geoff said turning off the speaker so that it was just him and Liam.

“It was an accident Dad. I really don’t need this from you right now” Liam said as a migraine began to form.

“You could have died son,” Geoff stressed.

“You don’t think I realize that” Liam yelled back into the phone.

“Do you? Because from the looks of it and the way you’ve been behaving you don’t seem to care about anybody but yourself,” he said.

“Why are you always yelling at me? Every time I blink or breathe you’re yelling at me. I’m starting to think maybe I’d have been better off if Harry hadn’t shown up or maybe if I’d have had just one more drink” Liam exclaimed wiping tears from his eyes but keeping his voice steady. He would never want his father to know that he had been crying.

“Don’t you ever say that. Just because we’re having a bit of a quarrel doesn’t mean I don’t love you and care about what happens to you”

“Whatever Dad,” Liam said.

“This doesn’t change anything between us. I’m done talking to you” Geoff said as he passed the phone to Karen and left the room.

“Liam? Are you still there?” she asked quietly.

“Yeah mum,” he said as more tears poured out of his eyes.

“Your father doesn’t mean it. He just gets in his moods you know” she said.

“I know. It’s ok mum” Liam said softly.

“Is there anything you want to tell me? Because there is nothing you could ever tell me that would make me love you any less” she said.

“I’m fine. It was an accident. I’ll try and be more careful” he said.

“You scared me to death” she explained.

“I know and I’m really sorry but I’ve got to go now. The doctor is here” Liam said lying. He just couldn’t bear to hear how upset his mother was. He hung up before she could say anything and he let the rest of his tears spill out. He just wanted to know why this was happening to him. He didn’t understand. He had been a good son and a good brother. He made a career for himself. Things were so bad he’d welcome the bullying right now.

After being in the hospital for 24 hours Liam was released and he went to his home to try and recharge his batteries. He unplugged his phone for a whole day and tried to figure out exactly what he was going to do to fix his mind. The next day when he turned his phone back on there was a message from Niall. He was going to be in town and he wanted to drop by. He sent Niall a text and explained that his phone was off for a day and he told him to come by whenever he wanted. Niall responded telling him he’d be there in half an hour. Liam looked at the clock, it was 4:30 p.m. he called in an order of food from the Italian place up the street and started to clean up a bit. His maid cleaned the place from top to bottom but in one day he managed to trash it. He scooped up laundry for the hamper, washed dishes, straightened up the counter tops and before he knew it his doorbell rang. It was the delivery guy with Niall bringing up the rear.

“I was hoping that was our food. I could smell it from outside” Niall said. He had a big smile on his face.

“Come in,” Liam said as he paid for the food.

Niall took a seat at the table and waited for Liam to bring in some dishes and silverware.

“What’s going on Liam? I heard what happened at the airport and to be honest Louis and Harry are pissed. We go on tour in less than two weeks and we need to figure this thing out, so talk to me. I’m not here to lecture you or judge you. I’m here as a friend. You scared us all quite a bit” Niall said.

“It was an accident. I was really upset and I tried to make it go away. The Ambien only gave me seven hours sleep and I needed to do something. I didn’t mean to have that much alcohol. When something gets in my head it stays there. I need it to go away or I go crazy” Liam explained as he served the food.

“Well, what got you so upset?” Niall asked. He was the only one who knew how to talk to Liam. Whatever he was going through he didn’t like to feel attacked or scolded. So he tried to find the reason in what he said and talk to him like a friend. It was the only way to get anything out of him.

“I went home to talk to the kids at the school about bullying and I got into a huge fight with my family and I left to go to stay at a hotel and then when I went to the school it brought back really bad memories. I had flashbacks and I had to leave right away” Liam explained.

“I can’t imagine you fighting with your family. What happened?” Niall asked.

“My Dad was lecturing me about all the girls I’ve been with. He even asked me if I was a sex addict, but he doesn’t understand why I need to do it. And then we were supposed to have a family dinner and my mom got upset because Ruth’s boyfriend got involved in an argument between me and her. I told him to stay out of it but he insisted on defending her and it escalated. We got up we were going to fight and my Dad stepped in and then I just left and I drove myself to a hotel. And the next day was my lecture at the school and I had a lot of bad memories” Liam explained.

“Well the bad memory part is totally understandable, but you NEVER fight with your family. You have a great family unit. It’s the one thing we’re all jealous of. Let’s break it down. What happened with your Dad? You said he doesn’t understand why you do it, why do you need to do it with so many girls?” Niall asked. He really wanted to help his friend.

“I don’t feel anything when I have sex. I did my first time but then nothing after that. My mind gets so fuzzy it blanks out. It’s like somethings I’m 25% there and other times I’m checked out completely. So I keep trying to debunk it. Maybe there is a girl that can make me feel something. I thought if I went back to the first girl I sex with and had sex with her again then maybe I’d be free, but it didn’t work. Niall when I went home I looked up Charlotte and we met up and I fucked her like it was our last night on Earth and still nothing. I don’t know what to do.” He said.

“Well, I’m going to help you with this. Give me a minute to think” Niall said. He sat there taking a sip of his soda as he whirled this all around in his mind. And then it hit him.

“Ok I’ve got something and please don’t take this the wrong way, maybe women are the problem. Maybe they aren’t exactly your cup of tea” Niall said trying to put it delicately.

“Are you asking if I’m gay?” Liam said.

Niall nodded silently.

“I thought of that and I tried it last year and I’m definitely not gay. The only thing that I liked about it was that I felt safe” Liam said.

Niall couldn’t hide the shock on his face. Liam had been with a man and he just couldn’t process it. Only one man came to mind and he had to ask.

“Was it Zayn?” Niall asked.

“No, it wasn’t Zayn. Why does everyone think something happened between us?”

“You guys flirted for five years, it was just a thought. Well, who was it then?” Niall asked.

“Some guy at a bar. It doesn’t matter, though. It wasn’t for me” Liam said.

“Ok well that knocks that off the list,” Niall said.

“Let me think more about this and we will work on this when we go on tour. But Liam I think we need a band meeting. The guys are pissed and we need to have a sit-down and talk about all this before the tour or it’s really going to affect the band. We’re all in L.A. now. Louis flew in to be with Harry so I’ll call the guys and we will set something up” Niall said.

“You’re right although I doubt they will want to talk to me,” Liam said.

“They don’t have a choice. We’re a family and we need to fix things” Niall said.

“Thank you, Niall. You’ve been a real friend. Thanks for listening to me and not judging me or lecturing me” Liam said.

“Anytime,” Niall said

“Now I think I need to whoop your ass at FIFA,” Niall said.

“Bring it,” Liam said as he got up to turn the system on.

This was exactly what he needed. A fun, carefree day with a friend. He wasn’t going to think about his family, or Charlotte or the current state of the band. He was going to play FIFA and laugh as much as he could until he completely forgot his problems.


	8. Chapter 8

Liam kept his head down as Niall got up off the couch to let Harry and Louis into his home. He was afraid of what they were going to say. He was afraid this was some kind of mutiny and he was going to be kicked out of the band. He knew they were now sitting across from him because he could feel their eyes on him, but he still didn’t look up. He was thinking he should probably start with an apology. He continued to keep his head down in fear and then he heard someone clear their throat and there was no doubt in his mind that it was Louis. Finally, he looked up and he could see Niall smiling, Louis next to him with slits for eyes and Harry with his lips tight and arms folded wearing an unreadable expression. He felt his heart hammering like a woodpecker in a tree

“Thanks for coming. Where should we begin?” Niall said.

“How about Liam apologizes to Harry?” Louis blurted out.

Liam was about to speak but Niall silenced him by putting his hand up.

“There will be plenty of time for apologies later we need to start with the problems. Louis what’s bothering you” Niall said.

“Liam is always snapping at me and Harry whenever he wants and it’s like we have to walk on eggshells. He’s hot and cold all the time”

“Harry?” Niall asked.

“His behavior is erratic and he drinks too much and that affects the band,” Harry said.

Liam felt the sting of their words and he was trying desperately not to get angry.

“Ok, Liam do you have a response to this?” Niall asked nicely hoping it would encourage Liam to talk calmly.

“I feel like everyone is on my back. I don’t need your judgement or your lectures. I’m a grown man and I can do as I please. The reason for the hot and cold depends on you and whether or not I feel attacked. And my drinking is none of your business” Liam grumbled trying to keep his temper at bay.

Louis and Harry were about to respond when Niall silenced them with a wave of his hand.

“Ok, this is good. Now everything is out in the open. This is what I propose. Liam has every right to do as he pleases providing it doesn’t affect the band professionally. So providing Liam keeps his drinking and his attitude in check then perhaps the two of you can stay out of his business and check your judgement. And Liam you cannot go snapping at everyone and pissing them off because you’re in a bad mood because of your own personal situation you’re going through at the moment. And you need to be careful with your health. You cannot take Ambien and alcohol which you know. I’m not going to lecture you, but please be careful. There are people that care about you deeply. Now can I get an agreement from you all?” he asked looking at Harry and Louis first.

“Yes,” Harry said offering a small smile to Liam.

Louis’ face was tense and not willing to budge. He just sat there giving Liam the death look.

“Lou,” Harry said.

“Fine” Louis said promising himself that he would try for Harry.

“Liam?” Niall asked.

“I will try not to do things to affect the band, but you need to understand that I don’t care what happens to me. Sometimes I think and feel things that won’t go away and I will do whatever it takes to make them go away no matter the consequences. It’s either that or you’re going to see a Liam you really don’t like” he explained like it was normal behavior.

“Liam there are people that care about you and what happens to you,” Louis said.

“I don’t have anyone. I can’t meet a girl because they all just want to have sex with me. You don’t know what it’s like for me. It’s the first thing they go for and because of my reputation I have to give a great performance. One orgasm is NEVER enough. I have to be a good boy, it’s what I’m good at. Maybe I just want to sit and have a soda and laugh with a girl, instead of shoving my cock in them constantly. And so what should I do stop? I can’t. I need to keep doing it until I find the girl that breaks the cycle. One that doesn’t want sex from me. I don’t even enjoy sex because of this. They pursue the sex from me. I find pretty girls that I want to talk to and they all give me the green light. And I’m not talking to anyone in my family. My father is yelling at me all the time. I’m the one with a career. I made something of myself and my father thinks I’m a sex addict. And they are always trying to pry into my business. I want them to leave me the fuck alone. I’m all fucked up and I need to figure it out for myself. I can’t have my mom hovering over me and I can’t tell her to fuck off, so I snap and my Dad yells at me some more and tells me “I’m not the son he raised” and Ruth’s boyfriend got involved in an argument I had with her. He is no one to me. So honestly I have nothing and I could give a fuck about what happens to me. The only escape I have is performing so I will try and keep it together so we can still be a group but I can’t handle being reprimanded or scolded. If I hear it I’m going to fly off the fucking handle, that I can promise you. I’m sorry for the way I’ve been the last few weeks. I didn’t mean to hurt you guys. I’m not really a prick” Liam said as he picked up his keys and phone off the table.

Harry could tell he was getting ready to take off and he stopped him.

“I’m sorry too. I’m glad you’re ok and you’re here with us. I only said the things I said because you’re my mate and I don’t want anything bad to happen to you” Harry said as he hugged Liam.

Liam hugged him back but tried to be quick about it.

“I’m sorry too mate,” Lou said moving in to hug Liam.

“Ok can we just do this as a group hug so I can get the fuck out of here,” Liam said.

He got no arguments from anyone and the four of them were all sandwiched into a hug and then Liam slipped out and took off before anyone could ask him any questions. The three of them heard the door slam and Harry and Louis turned to Niall.

“Is he ok?” Lou asked with concern in his voice.

“Not really, but I’m going to help him,” Niall said.

“I’ve never seen him like this,” Harry said.

“I know. It’s scary. He’s always been the one taking care of us, but now he needs to be looked after and I told him I would help him” Niall said.

“Well if you need us for anything we are here for him,” Louis said as he squeezed Harry’s hand.

Liam was sitting in the car in front of Krystal's place and his mind was going a mile a minute. He wanted to see her desperately but he knew he shouldn’t. The truth was that when he was around her he didn’t feel like a piece of garbage like he normally did. He felt special. She made him feel worthwhile and smart and like someone worth knowing but he didn’t deserve to feel those things for the things he did. He was filthy and she would never want to be with someone like him if she knew the truth. He put his face in his hands and then it washed over him. The tears poured out of him and they were coming hard. The tears were a mix of sadness, anger and frustration. He continued crying for a few more minutes. He hated crying. He hated feeling weak. No matter what he would never let anyone see him cry. But he didn’t understand why he was crying. He was so strong through the bullying and his meetings with Ms. Harrington. He took it like a man, all of it. So why was he in the car crying over such insignificant things? He didn’t know and it frustrated him so much he smashed his steering wheel causing the horn to go off and then Krystal looked out the window and now the decision was made for him. He had been spotted so he had to go inside. He wiped his face and put a few eye drops in his eyes. He checked his hair and got out of the car.

He felt so nervous as he stood in front of her door. He felt tingly just thinking about her and that was another feeling he needed to get to the bottom of.

“Hey you,” she said as she opened up the door with a big smile.

“Hi,” Liam said shyly. He felt his face getting red just because she smiled at him. It took him a moment to process what he was seeing. She was gorgeous. She had on a sheer white crop top and a pair of Calvin Klein jeans that hugged her in all the right places. And he could see a hint of her black bra through the sheer top. It was driving him nuts. But what he really noticed was that her ass had gotten bigger in size. It was as if she has been at the gym doing squats every day for a month and it took all his willpower not to smack her bum. And if that wasn’t enough she had his killer trifecta. Gorgeous bouncy curls, killer eyes and an amazing bum.

“Are you going to come inside?” she asked impatiently

“Sorry I was just admiring the view,” he said as he winked at her.

“You hungry or thirsty? Can I offer you anything?” she asked as she headed into her living room.

_Oh, I’m hungry but not for food, he thought._

“No thank you,” Liam said.

“So what brings you here unannounced?” she asked suspiciously.

“It’s you. I wanted to see you. I leave for tour in a few days” he admitted even though he knew he shouldn’t have.

“I’m glad you came to see me,” she said sitting down on the couch.

He sat down next to her, but not too close because he was already having a hard time keeping his hands to himself. She had the power to send him right over the edge.

“How long will you be gone for?” she asked.

“Five months. Why? You going to miss me?” he asked hoping she would.

“Of course,” she said having no problem making her feelings for him perfectly clear. She was in control and it terrified him.

“What about you?” she asked.

“What about me?”

“Are you going to miss me?” she asked.

“I miss you all the time,” he admitted again and he was angry with himself for doing so. He didn’t know why he let these little things slip out of his mouth.

“Same,” she said quietly. They sat there for a moment awkwardly both wanting to get naked and have hot sex on the couch but knowing they couldn’t.

“How are you? What’s new in your world? Are you dating anyone?” Liam asked even though he asked her last time they were together.

“Are you kidding me? Liam have I not made my feelings for you very clear?” she said with a touch of annoyance.

“I’m sorry. It’s just- you deserve so much better. And I know there is definitely better than me out there and you could have any guy you want-

“Except the guy I actually want because he’s a crazy man,” she joked as she brushed her hand over his cheek gently.

He smiled at her again.

“I’m sorry about that. It’s so complicated I don’t even think I can explain it to you. If I could I would,” he assured her.

“Why did you really come here?” she asked as she inched closer to him on the couch eyeing him suspiciously.

“I told you I’m going on tour and I wanted to see you before I leave,”

“And?” she asked.

“I want to kiss you. You’re a beautiful woman. Is that a crime?” he asked.

“Oh so you think you can just waltz in here unannounced looking all sexy and sweet talk me and make out with me?” she teased now she an inch away from him.

“Yeah pretty much,” he said as he went in to kiss her and within seconds he was on top of her. He was enjoying the feeling of her lips against his really trying to block the things he wanted to do to her out of his mind but it was a battle he was losing quickly. He was so turned on he couldn’t see.

“Liam,” she said loudly with shock.

“What?” he said as he lifted his head from the crevice in her neck that he was kissing.

“You’re so excited. We’re only kissing” she exclaimed.

“Oh no baby it’s much more than the kissing you’ve got the deadly trifecta,” he said.

“Do I even want to know what that is?” she laughed.

“Gorgeous curly hair, the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen and a nice bottom,” he said trying to get his hands on it.

“That’s your trifecta?” she asked. She didn’t know why she was so surprised by it.

“Yes I love curly hair and so few girls that have curly hair wear it that way these days,” he said sadly.

“Because it’s a nightmare, but if you like it I will leave it this way for you,” she said as she smiled at him.

“You would do that for me?” he asked. She nodded.

“The gym is paying off for you. Your bottom has increased since the last time I saw you. I keep having to resist the urge to slap it,” he said.

“Go ahead,” she said turning over so that it was right in his face.

The pockets framed it perfectly and accentuated the curve of it and the way it curved out from her lower back.

Liam smacked it playfully and she squealed with delight.

“Oh you like it?” he asked as he smacked her butt again a little harder.

She nodded. He did it again and he was getting so turned on that he couldn’t see.

“You should take my pants off and do it. Imagine how it feels on my bare bottom” she said.

“I can’t do that. If I do that I will lose control over myself” Liam said.

“So that’s ok. I’m so horny,” she said breathlessly.

“No, it’s not ok. Not with you,” he stressed.

“I don’t understand,” she said.

“When I’m going to have sex I lose control of my mind. I literally lose my ability to think and I’m not in my mind,” he tried to explain.

“Oh,” she said trying to understand what he was going through.

“If I’m going to be with you I want to be feel everything. I want to remember every touch and every thought. I want to be present with you and I can’t do that until I figure out why this happens so that’s why I can’t be with you. Please know that it’s not you. I want you more than anyone I’ve ever wanted before but I don’t want it to be like every other girl. And I don’t have a timeline for this sort of thing and that’s why you shouldn’t wait for me,” he said.

“Liam I’ve been after you for the last five years. I can handle waiting”

“I don’t want you to wait. Just move on,” he said hating himself for doing this to her. He could feel an anger rising inside himself. He wasn’t angry with her, he was angry with himself.

“What? No,” she said back.

“Why can’t you see that I’m garbage?” he yelled.

Krystal was taken aback by his sudden outburst and she didn’t know how to comfort him.

“Liam you’re a wonderful person,” she said running her hand over his back gently.

“No, I’m not. I’m only good for one thing. You want me to fuck you? Because that I’m good at. And all this time I’ve been so selfish worried about how I wouldn’t feel if we had sex, instead of worrying about you and what you want. Come on let me fuck you good. You’ll love it and then you’ll be over me and you won’t have to wait around for me and everyone can get what they want,” he said reaching for the button on her jeans.

“No what the hell is the matter with you?” she yelled.

Now he was getting really angry. She was playing with him.

“I thought you wanted to fuck me?” he yelled.

“I want you, Liam. You the person,” she said trying to fight her tears.

“That’s not possible because I’m nothing. I shouldn’t have come here,” he said as he headed for the door in a blind rage. He left her there more confused than ever.


	9. Chapter 9

Liam opened his eyes and rolled over. He found a way to function throughout this whole ordeal. It’s been two months since that day he ran out on Krystal and he hasn’t talked to her since. It was killing him inside but she was better off without him. He just jumped on tour and used his music to push through. His family also hasn’t talked to him since the day he ended up in the hospital and he was feeling a little extra depressed since they arrived back in England for the next week of shows. He was upset because he knew no one in his family would be there and it made him sad. Even though things were rocky with them lately he missed them a lot. He reached over and looked at his phone and there were several missed calls and a voicemail from Nicola. He played the message nervously and he hoped that everything was ok. After a minute, he breathed a sigh of relief. Nicola wanted to tell him that whatever was going on between him and Ruth had nothing to do with her and that she wanted to come to the show tonight. He typed into the text box that she and a plus one would be on the list. Seeing Nicola would be a happy distraction. He looked out his hotel window and was greeted with the overcast sky that usually harbors over the city. He opened up his Instagram account and looked at Krystal’s pictures. He felt a mix of emotions as he scrolled through her account. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting to see, but he wanted her to be happy. He wanted to see pics of her smiling and or laughing and surrounded by people that loved her. That’s why he told himself he was checking, but he was really checking to see if she had a boyfriend. It was selfish of him, but he couldn’t help it. He didn’t understand why he couldn’t get over this. He understood why he liked her but he couldn’t understand why he couldn’t unlike her and move on with his life. He got dressed and decided he needed to find something to do or he was going to go crazy. Being cooped up was bad enough, but being cooped up in England was likely to cause an episode. He looked at the clock and it was way too early for Nicola to be getting there so he decided to just go to the venue. He was sure that at the very least Harry would be there.

Liam arrived at the venue and to his surprise, all of the guys were there as well as Olivia, Niall’s girlfriend. He saw them talking to the band and he joined them quickly.

“Why didn’t you guys tell me you were coming here?” Liam asked as he joined them.

“I just thought you could use the rest. You were going hard last night” Niall said.

“No, I like to get up and out if I haven’t been drinking. I like to keep extra busy” he said.

At that moment, he felt a set of eyes on him and he turned to look. They were Olivia’s.

“How rude of me. How are you love?” Liam said walking over to give her a hug and kiss on the cheek.

“I’m good and you?” she asked.

“Is anyone hungry?” Liam asked avoiding her question.

Niall was always hungry and Harry and Louis raised their hands.

“Let’s order some food, lots, and lots of it,” Liam said as he headed into the backstage area scoping out an area to eat.

“Umm ok,” Harry said calling to their favorite place.

Liam continued to walk in and out of rooms all over the venue. He was moving so fast that the guys stopped trying to keep up with him. Liam was scanning the backstage areas diligently and making note of the exits and the entrances into the backstage area. He wasn’t sure what exactly he was looking for but he continued making his rounds. He didn’t know how long he had disappeared for until Harry put his hand on his shoulder.

“The food is here”

“Oh right,” Liam said following him back. He must have wandered pretty far away because it was quite a walk back to where he left the guys.

The food was spread out on a table in a back room and everyone was eating at first in silence and then Liam’s madness began. He pulled his feet up to his chest and covered his head with his knees. He was rocking back and forth just slightly and he was muttering words no one could actually understand.

“Liam what are you saying?” Louis asked as he tried to decipher his gibberish.

“What if I see someone I know? What if someone from my school is there? And my family won’t- Nicola will be here” he said making himself sound happy again.

“But what if she can tell what’s going on? She’s going to find out and my mom will hate me” he said as he now got up out of his chair and started pacing.

No one said a word as they watched this unfold because no one knew what to say. Liam stopped muttering and turned to look at them for a moment and then he disappeared into some back room. Everyone then looked at Niall as if he had the answer to all their questions.

“I don’t know what happened. He’s been doing so well” Niall said as he began to clean up everyone’s plate. Cleaning was a bit of a nervous habit to him. Olivia stood up next to Niall and grabbed his hand gently.

“This can wait. Let’s go talk” she said pulling him away.

Niall felt defeated. He felt like he let Liam down and that everyone was holding him responsible for this.

“Is he ok?” Olivia asked once they were in a private room.

“Not really and it’s my fault. I was supposed to be helping him and I failed him. Everything I suggested failed” Niall said.

“What’s going on with him? Olivia asked concerned.

“He has some issues with sex. He told me that his mind completely blanks out when he has sex and that he doesn’t feel anything emotionally and he doesn’t like blowjobs. He’s been with a ton of chicks because he’s trying to debunk it. He thought maybe going back to the first girl he slept with was the answer and last time he went home he slept with her and nothing happened. I thought maybe he was gay and he said he tried that too and it wasn’t for him. The only thing he liked was that he felt safe. And then I suggested maybe he try it with a more dominating woman and that did not go well and also to try an older woman because he likes those pornos where the older women sleep with the younger guys. He said he’s always liked them. And none of these things have worked” Niall confessed.

“Niall it’s pretty obvious to me what’s going on,” she said.

“What?” Niall asked.

“I think someone touched him or hurt him when he was younger and she was female,” Olivia said.

“What? No, how?” Niall asked in a state of shock.

“I could be wrong but think about it. He blacks out during sex, doesn’t like bj’s, he felt safer with a man, he likes pornos with older dominating women….” Olivia trailed off.

“But who could have done it?” Niall asked. The realization of what she was saying was just too much for him.

“I have no idea. That’s for you to find out” she said.

“I’m going to ask him tonight,” he said.

“Niall no you can’t do that. It’s a very sensitive subject. You need to talk to him and get him comfortable enough to share with you”

“I’ll try,” Niall said.

“Let me know if you need help,” she said as she went to the table to clear the plates.

The show finished and Liam went over to the backstage entrance to meet Nicola. He was about to run up and hug her when his legs just stopped working. He was completely frozen. Nicola was coming towards and there she was behind him.

“I hope you don’t mind that I brought Ms. Harrington. Nick couldn’t get off of work and she emailed me and asked if she could tag along” Nicola said.

“Of course,” Liam said trying his best to sound like he was cool with it even though he felt the panic building up inside of him. He wanted to run far away and get into bed and curl up and never wake up. She made his skin crawl the same way he felt after sex. The overwhelming need to shower washed over him and he tried his best to ignore it.

“Liam it’s so good to see you,” she said as she went in to hug him. Liam didn’t move a muscle as she wrapped her arms around him tightly. She stroked his back lightly and it felt like his shirt went on fire. The fresh scabs and scratches on his chest from his aggressive showering were tingling as if he put icy hot on it. He didn’t speak at all or make any attempt to hug her back and anyone looking at him would think he was trying to swallow back some vomit by the look on his very expressive face. Liam was never good at hiding his emotions. Then he felt her cold breath on his ear and a slight nibble on his lobe as she pulled him in closer. His blood went cold and the hairs on the back of his neck stood at attention. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to think of anything else until she broke away from him. And then it was over.

“Liam, are you okay?” Nicola asked as she went in to hug her baby brother.

“Yeah I just had something in my eye,” he said speaking for the first time since Nicola arrived.

“I’m not trying to get involved in this thing with the rest of the family but I know Mom misses you,” she said.

“Nicola I don’t really want to talk about them okay,” he said with tension in his voice and a pained expression.

“Well, are you at least okay. I’ve been so worried since the little accident you had,” she whispered.

“It honestly was an accident. I’m much better,” he lied. He was desperately trying to keep it together as he felt her eyes on him while she followed him and Nicola around.

“Liam you’ve really just turned out to be such an incredible young man. You have an amazing voice” Ms. Harrington said.

“Thanks,” he mumbled quickly not turning around to look at her and picking up his pace. He desperately wanted to shower.

“Hey Nicola,” Niall said as he headed towards them.

“Hey, how have you been?” she asked as she hugged him.

“I’ve been missing my little brother. He comes in and out of my life like a phantom. I hope you guys are taking good care of him” Nicola said with a laugh.

“ We try,” Niall said.

“ I think that he looks like someone who has no problem taking care of himself. Look at what a man he’s become,” Ms.Harrington said grabbing his bare bicep sending a chill through him. He continued his pained expression and didn’t say a word. Nicola laughed thinking Liam was feeling embarrassed.

“Don’t be embarrassed. You should be proud of the man you’ve become,” Nicola said pinching his cheek.

“Thanks,” he grumbled under his breath. He just decided to hang by Nicola and use her as somewhat of a shield. He followed her every move and stood behind her. He needed to be out of her clutches. He started scratching at his chest rigorously. He just wanted to shower and stay in there until he could no longer feel her.

“So Liam do you have a special lady in your life?” she asked him.

“Yeah Liam spill,” Nicola said.

“ I don’t have anybody,” he said quietly and Krystal popped into his mind and the pained expression was back on his face.

Niall looked at Liam and he could tell his friend was in pain. He needed to find out why. He wasn’t sure if it was his sister’s presence or this other woman.

“Liam has a crush,” Harry said joining the conversation.

Niall just shook his head. Why did Harry have to say that? If only he had shown up a minute before and saw Liam’s face he wouldn’t have said a word.

“Spill it now,” Nicola said.

“It doesn’t matter. Anything between us is over. We haven’t talked in two months” Liam said as he scratched himself even harder and he didn’t stop.

“Well she must be a fool,” Ms. Harrington said.

Liam’s face was red. He was angry that she would show up here uninvited and insult someone she doesn’t even know. His fists were balled up as he continued scratching himself and the vein was popping out on his neck. Niall could sense the tension and spoke quickly.

“I don’t think I got your name. I’m Niall,” he said as he extended a hand.

“Nice to meet you, Ms. Harrington here. And who is this handsome man,” she said reaching and grabbing Harry’s bicep.

“I’m Harry,” he said.

She used her free hand to shake his and smiled at him seductively. Liam watched her expression and it was the same one she had when she sat on her desk in front of him and unbuttoned her shirt for the first time and he felt sick.

“Some people don’t like to be touched. You’re awful handsy and quite rude” Liam managed to blurt out as he gripped her hand roughly and removed it from Harry’s bicep.

“Liam,” Nicola blurted out.

“What?” he said angrily. He was loosing his patience.

“You’re bleeding. What happened?” she asked.

He looked down and there was blood coming through his tank top.

“It’s nothing,” he said quickly putting his arms around his chest.

“Let me see it,” Nicola said as she pulled his tank top aside and she could see all the abrasions on his chest.

“It’s from my loofah,” he said hoping she would drop the subject.

“I have something for that,” Ms. Harrington said taking an ointment out of her purse.

“I’m fine,” Liam said pulling away from Nicola’s clutches.

“Liam let her put that on,” Nicola scolded him.

He stood stone still while she applied the ointment on his chest. He felt like bugs were crawling on his everywhere. Nicola turned her back for a moment and Ms. Harrington saw an opportunity she ran her fingers over Liam’s nipple and squeezed it gently. He was paralyzed in fear and wanted Nicola to turn around desperately. Why couldn’t she save him? Where was everyone? Niall was talking to Harry. Louis was with the crew and his sister was texting with her back turned and he just couldn’t move. He felt sick to his stomach and dirty because her hands on that part of him caused a stir below the belt and he was ashamed and embarrassed. He didn’t understand it. She knew that part of him caused a stir and she did it on purpose for her sick enjoyment. Time felt completely still as she moved her hand back and forth over his nipple slowly just like the second hand on the clock ticked along.

“Feel better?” Nicola asked finally looking up from her phone as she removed her hands from Liam’s chest.

“Yeah I think I just need to take a shower,” he said as his hands were shaking.

“Are you ok?” she asked. She was really concerned by the look on his face.

“I’m fine,” he lied as he imagined thousands of bugs biting him everywhere. That’s what his skin felt like.

“Ok well I’m going to let you shower up and get some rest,” Nicola said.

“Yeah ok,” Liam said quietly as his sister hugged him.

“Bye,” he said quickly as he headed to the venue shower, even though he’d much rather take a kitchen knife and skin himself so he didn’t have to feel her on his skin anymore.

He opened the door and made sure the water was scalding. He got under it and rubbed the ointment she put on his chest off quickly. He was tainted and he needed a clean palette. The hot water in his open cuts caused him searing pain but even that was better than what she had made him feel. He was going to scrub and shower until there wasn’t a trace of her left.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is self-harm in this chapter so please do not proceed if this is a trigger for you.

Louis knocked on Liam’s hotel room door for the third time in two hours and still didn’t hear any movement. He texted the boys and explained that Liam still would not respond and asked them to meet him at the room with a key. Louis tried one more time while he was waiting for them to return with a key and he only got the same result. A few minutes later he was joined by Niall and Harry.

“We have no idea what we’re about to see on the other side of that door,” Harry said.

“ He could be hurt or sick or-

“Don’t say it” Niall said cutting Harry off.

“He wouldn’t make another mistake like he did with the Ambien. He’s probably sleeping,” Louis said as he pushed his way into the room.

It was pitch dark when he entered the room and the boys followed behind him slowly. Louis went to the bed where Liam was face down and he felt for a pulse just to eliminate the worse, while Niall and Harry worked the blinds open. Liam stirred slowly and they noticed the strong smell of alcohol coming through his pores. They looked over at the nightstand and they found a bottle of Jack Daniels nearly empty. Niall picked it up and scanned the room quickly for possibly any other alcohol he was going to confiscate.

“Liam, wake up,” Louis said shaking him.

“W-what?” he said sitting up startled but with his eyes barely open.

“It’s three o’clock you need to wake up. We have sound check in an hour. I’ve been trying to wake you up all day” Louis said.

Liam refused to open his eyes any more than slits but he scanned his surroundings and he could sense Harry and Niall were there too.

“Can you turn off the lights, please? I can’t see” Liam said.

“The lights are off. That’s the sunlight coming in. It was like a dungeon in here, very unhealthy” Louis said.

“I’ll get up if you turn the lights off,” Liam said arguing.

“Liam sound check is in one hour and you reek of whiskey. You don’t have the time to argue with us” Louis snapped.

“And what if I don’t play the fucking show?” Liam said getting to his feet but he still had the spins and it brought him to his knees.

“Guys just let me handle this,” Niall said as he helped Liam to his feet.

Harry and Louis left Niall to help Liam since he seemed to be the only one who was able too.

Niall helped Liam to his feet and walked him slowly to the bathroom. He put Liam down on the toilet and started the shower.

“Can you get undressed by yourself?” Niall asked.

Liam nodded as he undressed down to his boxer briefs.

Niall left the Liam to shower and after about ten minutes he emerged in his towel.

“You ok?” Niall asked.

“Yeah,” Liam said quietly as he started digging through his suitcase for clean underwear.

“Is there anything you want to talk about?” Niall asked him.

“No,” Liam said.

“Ok well, I’ll let you get dressed. Soundcheck is at four” Niall said as he headed out the door.

Once Niall left Liam stared at himself naked in the mirror for a long while. And this gave him time to think. The whiskey and the hours of sleep could only numb his mind for a little while. He looked at the red scabs and sores on his chest and they were finally starting to heal. He hated the way he looked. He wished that he was fat. It would be so much easier if he was. He always stayed in shape because of his health problems, he didn’t think it would attract as many girls as it did. And he was very well endowed to make matters much worse. But she had been able to make it disappear and it made him sick. Why couldn’t he just be an average size? He just wanted to blend in. Maybe if he was fat and not so well endowed then she wouldn’t have chosen him. Maybe if he wasn’t such a loser and he didn’t get bullied then she wouldn’t have any leverage. He wondered if there were others. Was this something she continued to practice? If so he felt those kids. They would take the bait and have their love lives ruined forever. How was he going to have a family? How could he marry someone and fall in love if he didn’t feel anything from sex? His father had mentioned emotions when he gave him the sex talk and he longed to find out what they were. He got dressed quickly and put on some cologne and he saw how red his eyes were. He put eye drops in quickly and sipped at a bottle of water. He had to be in tip-top shape for soundcheck.

Liam arrived at the venue for soundcheck and didn't really say much to the guys. He took his spot on stage as they ran through the songs. He looked around at the boys as they started to disperse once soundcheck was finished.

 "Hey don't go anywhere" he yelled.

"What's up Liam?" Niall asked.

"I have something planned for us as soon as Paddy gets back," Liam said. They all looked around at each other one more confused than the next.

 "Find a table with chairs for us," he said. The boys carried some folding chairs over to an unused table they found.

"What the hell is going on?" Louis asked Niall.

"I'm as confused as you guys," Niall said.

"What happened in the room? He was in bad shape when we left him" Harry asked.

 "I didn't ask. I just got him in the shower" Niall said.

"Monopoly, " Liam said smacking the box down on the table behind them causing them all to jump.

"You gotta be kidding me," Louis said.

"Oh no we're playing this way we have no down time before shows," Liam said as he started to open the box and set the game up.

"I'm the top hat. Which one would you like Niall?" he asked. The boys were speechless and watched as Liam set the game up by himself. 

"The dog. Good choice Niall" he said even though Niall hadn't answered him.

 "Harry you can be the shoe and Louis the car," he said as he placed the pieces out. He looked up and they were still staring at him.

"Who wants to be the banker?" The game was moving very slowly and Liam was watching the clock anxiously.

"We should pack this away exactly as it is and warm up now" Harry suggested.

"Yes warming up is a good thing," Liam said as he started his own warm ups. After about ten minutes he went to find Paddy and grabbed the bottle of Jack Daniels he had asked him to buy. He opened it and took several heavy swigs. The burning in his throat started to subside and he felt warm and comfy. He went into the locker room which was their dressing room and doused himself in the Chanel Bleu cologne. He didn't want the guys knowing that he had been drinking. He also rinsed his mouth with mouthwash so they couldn't smell it on his breath. He just had to get through twenty-one songs.

The alcohol kicked in and Liam's anxiety turned to adrenaline. Liam got through most of the show without raising too much suspicion. He sang and danced his heart out as if it was a one person show. But he avoided a lot of interactions with the boys. During a set change, Liam snuck away to chug some more of his whiskey. The more he chugged the less he could see and if he couldn't see then he couldn’t see her that's all that mattered to him. They were about to go back out when Niall grabbed his arms.

"Are you drunk?" Niall asked Liam angrily after noticing Liam's bloodshot eyes.  He had finally lost his patience with him. He was the one who had been helping Liam through this whole ordeal and he put the show in jeopardy like it was nothing.

"I had a few sips. I'll be fine. We only have 3 songs left" Liam assured him.

"You better be," Niall said. Somehow by the grace of God Liam pulled it off, even though he could barely see. He hurried off the stage into a back room where they controlled the lights and slumped down into a chair. This was his quiet space where he could get away from everyone. He was angry that no one in his family had shown up and he drank another third of his bottle quickly. He was scrolling through Krystal's Instagram again when heard her voice and he couldn't believe she had really been here.

"Krystal?" Liam said as he got to his feet desperately trying to see her beautiful face clearly. A moment later he felt intense pain go through his cheek. He put his hand on his face and tried to focus. Of course, she would be pissed. He deserved the smack.

"Don't you ever call me some other girls name. Who's Krystal? Is she your girlfriend? And why are you hiding from me? I’ve literally been looking in every room back here because no one knew where you were. "Miss Harrington said. And then a cold terror washed over Liam spreading paralysis through his body. How did she get here? He realized he was alone with her and his body locked up. Liam couldn't speak. He was whimpering cowardly like a child and it pissed him off. Why couldn't he just man up? He felt her cold hands begin to unbutton his shirt and then she started to run them along his chest.

"Mmm, Liam you're a man now. You didn't answer my question who's Krystal?" He stood in silence for another few minutes. He felt her go for his belt and the itchy bug feeling washed over him.

"It doesn't matter once I get my hands on you, you'll forget all about her. Remember how much cum you used to have? And you liked to put it on my face or my chest. That was your favorite. You used to fuck me so hard. I miss it. I have a new toy but he isn't as submissive as you. If you hadn't made it through on Xfactor I never would have let you go".

It took Liam a moment to process what she said as she had his penis now in her hands. A new toy? Is that what he was to her? A toy? He felt himself respond to her touch and the combination of that and her finding someone new to torment made his stomach turn. She was about to take him in her mouth when a crew member walked in.

"Oh I uh-" he said awkwardly.

Liam saw this as an opportunity and prayed to God his legs would work. He tucked himself in and took off. He ran and ran and ran until he reached the men's locker room where they would shower after shows. He stripped and turned the water on scalding. He reached for his loofah and started to scrub his penis which wouldn't go down. He kept scrubbing and he was angry. He refused to relieve himself from something she had caused.He continued scrubbing and nothing he did seemed to work. Finally, he reached into his bag and grabbed his razor. It was the only thing left he could think of. He started putting little cuts along his shaft and even one on the head hoping that the searing pain would release him. He watched as the blade pierced the skin and blood trickled out of him. The pain caused it to go limp, but he didn’t stop. He wanted to cleanse his body from the inside. He cried out in pain and slid down the wall. The pain was so unbearable he started to cry. He thought of her words over again in his mind and he wished he could cut away the chunks of his brain that held any memories of her. She said she had a new toy and it made Liam sick. He felt the wave hit him and he began to throw up violently. He didn't know how long it had been until Niall found him. He could hear a commotion but he couldn't quite make out the words.

"I didn't know what else to do" he muttered as the vomit momentarily subsided.

He felt several sets of hands helping him up and placing two towels around him. One to dry off and one for the bleeding. He slumped down on the bench as he heard the water being shut off. He watched as the water, vomit,blood and tears swirled down the drain.

"I wasn't the only one" he sputtered out and that's when the bile came back up. It spewed out of him and it got onto Niall’s sneakers. He was shaking so bad when the vomit stopped.

"How much did he drink?" Louis asked.

"This isn't from drinking," Niall said.

"H-how did she get in?" Liam sputtered in a moment of clarity.

“Who?” Louis asked.

“My old guidance counselor. She was here tonight” Liam said.

 "I let her in because she was your guidance counselor she wanted to see you," Harry said not realizing he did anything wrong. Liam tried to lunge at him but Louis stepped in front of Harry to protect him while Niall held Liam back.

"I don't want to see her face ever again," Liam said through gritted teeth.

 "EVER AGAIN" he yelled.

"Come on we need to get you dressed and in bed," Niall said.

"I need to tell the crew. I don't want to see her face" Liam emphasized.

"It's ok we will take care of it"

“Promise me because it's been 7 years and I still see her face" he mumbled.

“I promise,” Niall said rubbing his back gently trying to reassure him.

Niall was deeply disturbed by Liam's behavior and what he witnessed in the shower. He helped Liam dress and brought him back to the hotel to go to bed. He knew tomorrow would be a tough one for Liam when all his cuts healed. He just wanted to help his friend but he knew the kind of help Liam needed was bigger than him and he was determined to get it for him.


	11. Chapter 11

Liam had a rough couple of weeks since they found him in the shower crying and bleeding. He was healing but still in a lot of pain. Niall was there for him every step of the way, talking when he wanted to talk and giving him space when he needed it and most of all keeping him busy so that his mind couldn’t take over and play tricks on him. Liam pushed Ms. Harrington out of his mind in the last few weeks. He was more nervous about seeing Krystal and her hating him. It was the day of the charity ball and he had no idea what he was going to say to her. He turned to Niall while they were sitting playing FIFA 2016.

“What am I going to say to Krystal?” Liam asked.

“Starting with an apology is always good,” Niall said

“I haven’t talked to her in months and in a few hours I’m going to have to face her and she’s going with some guy,” Liam said trying to pretend he wasn’t devastated.

“Don’t overact maybe he’s just a friend?” Niall said trying to reassure him.

“I have no right to get angry, but inside I’m devastated. I feel pain in my chest”

“Liam why don’t you tell her how you feel and then you won’t have to carry the weight?” Niall suggested.

 “Because I haven’t admitted to myself what I feel for her. I’m so afraid of losing control and getting her all mixed up with me and my problems. She doesn’t deserve it” Liam said.

“Liam she’s already all mixed up with you. She has liked you forever”

Liam felt himself blush. The thought that she might want him made him tingle everywhere. He put his face in his hands and decided telling it to Niall would be safe.

“Niall I have been feeling things that I can’t explain. I think I’m in love with her” Liam said and he felt a little lighter. But he was nowhere near ready to tell her.

He kept imagining scenarios where he tells her about his affair with Ms. Harrington and she tells him that he’s filthy and disgusting and how could she love a guy like him.

“That’s good Liam. That’s good to feel those things. And that’s why you need to figure this out, so you can have a healthy relationship. You don’t have to talk to me, you don’t need to talk to your parents but you need to talk to someone. All we’ve done to try and debunk this is obviously not working”

“Or I stop thinking of myself and worrying about whether or not I’m going to feel something  if I have sex with Krystal and give her what she wants. I should just have sex with her and accept that this is me. I’m never going to feel anything  during it. What guy doesn’t want that? I should consider myself lucky to be able to have sex with lots of girls and literally feel nothing. I’ve decided that putting all this effort in to feel something and continually failing is worse than not actually being able to feel anything. So I’m done. I’m accepting it. Now I must go and get styled for tonight’s event” Liam said getting up to head to his appointment.

Liam tried on three different suits and he still couldn’t decide what to wear. He wanted to impress Krystal and he didn’t know what looked good. He was so frustrated that he decided to take a few pics and send them to Nicola.

_Which one do you like? Which one do I look handsome in?_ Liam sent to his sister along with the photos of him in the suits.

_The Burberry one_ she typed back.

“Ok I’ll wear this one,” he said as he undressed and started to put that one back on.

Liam arrived at the charity ball and he scanned the room quickly. He decided to get a drink to calm his nerves before he laid eyes on Krystal. He felt good. He put Ms. Harrington far out of his mind and all the time wasted trying to debunk something so stupid seemed pointless now. He had something every guy wanted and that must be his reward for being bullied as a kid. He went directly to the bar and ordered whiskey. Anyone who knows Liam knows that the more of it, he drinks the more of a prick he becomes. He stood at the bar with his whiskey greeting some people he knew as they passed by and then he saw her.She had on a long white Versace studded leather trimmed plisse strapless cross stitch silk Cady dress. Her dark, shiny curls were spilling over her chest and shoulders and down her back. Her skin had a soft glow and her eyes were so prominent and bright and her red lips so juicy. He felt the whole room stop around him. Everyone else disappeared. He didn’t realize how long he was staring until someone tapped him on the shoulder. It was one of his producers and he turned to face him. He said hello and half-listened to what he was saying. He couldn’t take his eyes off of Krystal.

“Who’s that girl that has you so distracted?” he asked him.

“She’s the one responsible for this event tonight,” he said taking his eyes away from Krystal for the first time since he saw her.

“She’s quite the looker, but it looks like she’s here with someone,” he said causing Liam’s head to snap in her direction.

He watched as this really handsome man put his hand on the small of her back and lead her out to the dance floor for a slow dance. He ordered a double whiskey and downed it in two gulps.

“Excuse me,” he said as he headed over to the other bar so that no bartender could keep track of how much he was drinking.

He went to the bar across the room and ordered another double whiskey. He downed that too and he was finally feeling strong and courageous. The slow song ended and he turned to look at her to see if she was still with him and when another slow song came on she stayed with him. Liam marched over to where Krystal was dancing with her date and he pulled him away from her and took his place dancing with her.

“Hey,” he said.

“She’s my date. She asked me first” Liam said pulling her  to possessively.

Her date was angry and he was about to pull Liam off of her.

“Just give me a few minutes ok. I’ll take care of this” she said to her date.

“Wanna dance sexy?” Liam said pulling her to him and putting his hands on her butt.

“How dare you?” she said quietly but angrily.

“You don’t want me,” he said.

“Come here,” she said pulling him off of her and bringing him into the hallway by the bathrooms.

“You wanna have sex in the bathroom?” he said raising a confused eyebrow at her.

“How dare you? You stormed out on me and haven’t spoken to me in months and the minute you see me with another guy you barge in here and think you can talk to me whatever way you want?” she said angrily.

“I don’t care anymore about the sex thing. I can’t fix it. It’s a part of me, so if you wanna fuck me you can,” he said as the alcohol was really starting to take over his body and make his mind fuzzy.

“This was a waste of time trying to talk to you,” she said.

“Wait please,” Liam said suddenly panicking.

Krystal was angry but she could tell he had been drinking and she took pity on him.

“Liam you’re the one guy that I have wanted forever and after five years you finally notice me and you’re all messed up and that didn’t even bother me.I told you I would be here for you as a friend and when you figured things out that we could be together. But then you shut me out completely. You really hurt me, Liam. Why? Why did you do that to me?” she asked him.

“Because I’m in love with you ok. I did it because I love you and I know I can’t be with you right now and I don’t know how to deal with it. I thought it would be easier if you hated me. But I still checked your Instagram every day to see if you had a boyfriend and to look at your beautiful face. Do you know you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen? When I’m not all fucked up I think of you and it makes me happy but then I think about how I can’t have you because you deserve someone so much better than me and I don’t want you mixed up in problems. True love is when you no longer care about what happens to you and I fucked up big time. Look go back to your date and have a great time. I have industry people I need to say hello to. I’m sorry. Just know I did it because I love you” he said as he turned to walk away.

Krystal was about to stop him and say something but she was too late he was gone in a giant crowd of people.

Liam felt the tears pouring out of his eyes as he walked away from the girl he loved. He went to the nearest bar and had at least three more drinks.He found an empty room with a  chair facing away from the party and took a seat. No one was around and it was quiet enough for him to sit and sulk. He leaned back in the chair and tried to keep his head from spinning. Every time he opened his eyes he couldn’t see straight. But for him, it was better than the alternative. A few minutes later he heard someone enter the room but he didn’t open his eyes to look. He figured it was a drunk person trying to find the bathroom or people sneaking off to hook up. He finally opened his eyes and there was a woman standing in front of him. He was trying desperately to make out who it was.

“Did you miss me, Liam? Because I missed you” the woman said.

Her voice was unmistakeable. It was Ms. Harrington. Liam froze in fear.

“I didn’t wear any panties so we can make this quick,” she said.

Liam felt so much fear that the paralysis wore off but the liquor had overtaken him and he couldn’t fight her off. He struggled to get up as she unzipped his pants and took him in her hands stroking him to attention. Liam was angry.

“Please stop,” he said as tears poured out of his eyes.

She pulled up her dress and grabbed his hand and ran it over her wetness. His hand recoiled back out of instinct.

“If you want to act like that then I’m just going to have to restrain you,” she said pulling off his tie and tying his hands together.

“Why are you doing this to me? Haven’t you had enough?” he said as he continued to cry.

“Oh, Liam I’ve tried to forget you. I even got engaged and he’s wonderful but I haven’t been able to find a dick like yours,” she said as she lowered herself onto him.

He winced and struggled.

“Don’t worry I’m on the pill,” she said as she started to glide up and down on it.

“MMMMM,” she moaned.

Liam struggled to get up, but the more he moved the more he plunged into her and the more pleasure it gave her.

“You’re the most disgusting person I’ve ever met,” Liam said to her. His words were full of hate.

“Then why are you rock hard right now?” she said as she bent down to lick and nibble at his nipple.

He recoiled from her touch and she laughed.

“That still drives you nuts doesn’t it?” she asked.

Liam was angry and he tried to pull his hands out of the knots she tied them in.

“I know you’ve been drinking and you won’t be able to keep it up much longer so I’m going to finish quickly,” she said.

She continued bouncing on him vigorously and then she orgasmed intensely and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to, but he finished too and it filled her up. She got up and his semen dripped out of her, onto his pants.

“You never disappoint me, Liam. That’s what I love about you. You’re such a good boy” she said as she untied his hands and disappeared back into the party.

Liam couldn’t disappoint a woman in the bedroom ever. No matter who it was or what they wanted he had to do it and he would because of her. It was ingrained in him and he couldn’t stop the learned behavior. He got up and tried to walk but he was spinning quite a bit and fell down to the ground and curled up in the fetal position. He wanted to shower and he knew he couldn’t. He prayed that he would either fall asleep or become unconscious.

Liam had no idea how long he was out when he felt Louis shaking him awake. Louis was going to yell at Liam for getting drunk and causing a scene but when he saw his eyes he realized something else was happening entirely.

“You stick one finger in and lick the clit unless they are more experienced than you stick two fingers in” Liam mumbled.

“Liam your cock is out. What happened?” Louis said as he realized Liam’s penis was exposed.

“Suck on the nipples and if you do it good the girl will get really wet,” he mumbled.

“Liam we need to leave. They are closing up here. Put your penis away and I’ll help you walk” Louis said.

“I never disappoint. I’m a good boy” Liam said. He was still unable to move.

“Liam please,” Louis asked again.

Louis realized that he was going to have to take care of this alone. He reached down and tucked Liam’s penis back inside his pants gently and zipped them back up. Liam’s eyes were blank and he whimpered a bit as Louis did that. He picked Liam up slowly and helped him stand.

“Do you how good my cock feels for a girl?” Liam asked Louis as he helped him to the front entrance.

“Come on let’s just get you back to the hotel,” Louis said.

“I’m blessed. I should be proud of it instead of trying to hide it” he said repeating all of the things she said to him during their first lesson.

“Liam, are you ok?” Louis asked.

“I’m a good boy,” Liam said.

Niall found them at the entrance and helped them get Liam into the car.

“What happened?” Niall asked concerned.

“His cock was out and he was on the floor in a fetal position. He won’t answer any of my questions and he keeps mumbling things,” Louis said.

“I’m putting my foot down tomorrow. I’m going to have a talk with him and if he doesn’t do anything to get help then we need to cancel the tour and commit him somewhere. He has this fantasy that he can fix himself and in the beginning, I thought I could help him, but it’s gotten way out of hand. Did anyone see him like that?” Niall asked as he looked back at Liam in the car who was passing out.

“No, as far as I know. They saw him have a few drinks, then he was spotted talking to Krystal and he disappeared the rest of the night,” Louis said.

“We need to get a handle on this,” Niall said.

“Maybe we should call his parents,” Louis said.

“Not before talking to him,” Niall said.

“I understand. But let’s get him to bed” Louis said.

“Ok you drive,” Niall said.


	12. Chapter 12

Niall opened the door to the room Liam was sleeping in and the room was dark. It was just passed noon and he had all the blinds closed and curtains closed so no light could peek through except the light peeking through the door when he opened it. Liam was laying on top of his bed in complete silence with his hands behind his head.

“Liam, are you ok?” Niall said quietly.

“No,” Liam said quietly. His voice was thin and gruff.

“Did something happen last night?” Niall asked.

“Yes,” Liam said.

“Was it because Krystal was with that guy?” Niall said knowing getting answers out of him was going to take the rest of the afternoon.

“No,” Liam said.

“Was it something bad?” Niall asked continuing the pattern just trying to draw whatever he could out of him.

“Yeah,” Liam said as a few tears started to slip out of his eyes.

“Can you tell me what it is?” Niall continued trying to be as gentle to him as possible.

“I don’t know” Liam struggled to say as he wiped at his face.

“Why not?” Niall continued as he headed towards the windows.

“You’ll think I’m disgusting”

“I’m going to open these blinds if that’s ok. I think we should talk about what happened. You can trust me” Niall said.

He was finally getting more than one-word answers and it progressed.

“Do whatever you want,” Liam said.

“Tell me what happened Liam,” Niall said as he opened the curtains and then the blinds slowly.

The light poured into the room instantly and Niall could see how sad Liam really was. He looked and sounded completely catatonic and he could see some fresh tears beneath his eyes.

“I can’t,” Liam said again.

“Liam you’re my friend and I have done everything I can to help you but this can’t go on anymore. It’s affecting everything in your life including the band and none of us want this for you. This needs to end and I know you know why” Niall said as gently as possible.

“I know,” Liam said getting a bit choked up.

“It’s ok Liam. You are in a safe place” Niall stressed.

“You don’t understand. You guys will all think I’m disgusting and ask me to leave the band” Liam said

“I highly doubt that would happen unless you’re about to tell us you had sex with an animal or something like that”

“No, but it is about sex,” Liam struggled.

“Ok,” Niall said trying to coax him.

“I had sex with Ms. Harrington last night at the charity ball” Liam finally sputtered out.

“You always get tense when she’s around. Why is that? What did she do to you?” he asked.

“I just- it uh” Liam was sweating and struggling to form a sentence. All he could see was his fifteen-year-old self in her office watching her undress in front of him.

“Liam just relax. Take your time and tell me why she bothers you so much” Niall coaxed him gently.

“Every time I see her it reminds me of the other times we had sex and I just want to forget it,” Liam said.

“What other times did you have sex?” Niall pressed.

“We had an affair when I was in school ok. I know I’m disgusting. I’ll leave if you want me too” Liam said waiting for the blow from Niall.

“Oh my God Liam how old were you?”

The look on Niall’s face was one of shock despite the theory that he and Olivia had come up with about someone hurting Liam, hearing it was still shocking and still a game changer.

“Fifteen,” Liam said looking around the room desperately searching for his bottle of whiskey.

“I dumped it out last night,” Niall said knowing full well what he was looking for.

“You had no right,” Liam said sitting up for the first time.

“You can’t drink everything away. It always comes back. Liam, you were fifteen. That’s statutory rape” Niall stressed.

“No, I agreed to it. You don’t understand. She was helping me” Liam said trying to convince himself.

“Tell me about it,” Niall said gently again. He could tell that Liam had gotten worked up again and he wanted to keep him talking.

“It all started the day we learned CPR at school. Charlotte and I were paired up,”

“And so what happened?” Niall asked.

“She practiced the CPR on me and I got excited. And you know me when I get excited it’s like pitching a tent. I can’t help that it’s big” Liam said.

“It’s ok. Keep going” Niall urged him.

“The same kids that picked on me every day started calling me Woody. I wanted to die. I went to Ms. Harrington’s office afterward to talk and she looked so hot Niall. She always wore these tight skirts and button down shirts that her breasts looked ready to burst out of and she had pretty eyes. She was my counselor since I started that school and I’ve wanked to her many times. All the guys thought she was hot” Liam said visualizing a bottle of whiskey on the dresser in hopes that one would just appear.

“So that’s normal to have a crush on your counselor. What happened when you went to talk to her?”

“I told her what happened and I was upset about the bullying and she said she could help me, but only if she thought I could handle it,” Liam said.

“How did she help you?” Niall asked.

“She told me that she could stop the bullying. She offered a solution and I took it” Liam said.

Niall could see he was getting more and more comfortable talking.

“Tell me what she offered”

“She told me that she would teach me about pleasing a woman and sex and stuff and that once I did it to Charlotte she would stop teasing me and the other guys would get jealous and ask me how to please their girlfriends and the bullying would stop. So I agreed to it. She taught me how to go down on a girl in all different positions, and she gave me a bj and taught me how to hold off from cumming and how to touch a woman’s body everywhere and then we had sex. I learned so much from her. Charlotte was screaming under the bleachers when I gave her oral. She begged me to do it to her again. Do you know what that felt like Niall? I was finally someone. Not just the geeky, sick kid anymore. And I got to fuck my hot guidance counselor. I had skills all the other guys wished they had” Liam explained.

Niall was horrified by what he heard. How dare she use Liam’s bullying as a way to lure him into her bed?

“Liam, do you realize what you’re saying? She used your bullying as a way to manipulate you” Niall said.

“No, she helped me. I agreed to it. I never really said no. I mean I told her I didn’t really want to have sex because I wanted it to be special and she told me I owed her that and I was hers to do whatever she wanted to until 3:30 every day. And  she said if I told anyone about it that she’d tell my mom and my mom would think I was disgusting” Liam said.

His tone was becoming very nonchalant as if what he was saying was perfectly normal.

“Liam your mother would never think you’re disgusting. She would think she was disgusting” Niall stressed.

“No, she told me she heard my mother talking at the parent teacher conference about how if she found out any of us were having sex that she would kick us out of the house”

“Liam do you know how crazy this sounds? This woman raped you”

“NO That’s NOT what it was. She helped me. I agreed to it. She didn’t do anything wrong. I just don’t want to see her anymore” Liam said getting defensive.

“Liam I’m going to ask you a question and I want you to think really hard about your answer before you answer me,” Niall said.

“Ok, what is it?”

“If you guys didn’t do anything wrong and she was only helping you then why do you think your mum would think you’re disgusting?” Niall said putting it out there.

Liam sat there for a few moments trying to piece together an answer. He wracked his brain and he couldn’t think of an answer that made sense. He closed his eyes and remember being on the couch when she put the condom on him and just sat on him despite him saying no and the pain went spreading through his chest and the blank look on his face transformed into one of intense pain. He felt tears pour out of his eyes.

“Why did she do this to me, Niall? I don’t understand. I was just a kid. I was confused and horny and she had sex with me like it was nothing” Liam said between sobs.

“I don’t know Liam, but I think you should probably go home and see your parents and talk to someone. You can’t go on like this” Niall said rubbing his back gently.

“This is why I’m 22 years old and I can’t have a normal sex life.Well, congratulations you helped me debunk it. I’m a fucking freak. You know I told Krystal I love her and even if she loved me back she’d never go for it now.Do you know how disgusting I am? What girl is ever going to love me?” he stressed.

“Liam you’re not listening to me. You need to go home and get some help”

“I can’t go home. My family hates me. Do you know what that’s like?” Liam said as angry tears poured out of him.

“Liam your family doesn’t hate you,” Niall said calmly.

He was trying to reel him back in and calm him down.

“You don’t know what it’s like to be the disgrace of the family”

“Liam this isn’t about your family. This is about what happened to you. You need help or it’s going to destroy you and everything you’ve worked for” Niall said gently again.

“None of this matters,” Liam said.

“You’re lying. I know you love singing more than anything”

“So what? It won’t affect me singing” Liam argued.

“What about Krystal? You love her” Niall said hoping that she would be the key to reeling him back in.

“I do, but it doesn’t matter because she doesn’t love me”

“She told you that?”

“No,” Liam said getting anxious.

He looked around for his phone. He was going to text Paddy to bring him some whiskey.

“I have your phone too. I needed you present and free of distractions” Niall said.

“Give it back to me,” Liam said getting in Niall’s face.

“Liam you need to go home and see your family” Niall stressed again.

Liam was feeling very trapped without his phone or alcohol or any other escape really. He knew deep down Niall was right but admitting it would mean opening a can of worms he didn’t think he could handle. He sat there in silence for a few minutes staring at Niall who was standing at the foot of his bed with his arms crossed. He was struggling to come up with some argument that could make Niall see it his way but he was defeated.

“Can you call my mum and ask her if I’m allowed to come home?” Liam said his voice a croak.

“Liam you can call them. I’ll be right here with you” Niall said happy that he finally got through to him.

“Niall I can’t. Can you please do this for me?” Liam said as he started to sob.

“Ok ok. Just calm down and I will call them,” Niall said taking out Liam’s phone and handing it to him to unlock.

Once Liam handed it back to him he found Liam’s parents under the contacts and hit call. He swallowed nervously as he awaited their answer.

After a ring or two Karen finally picked up.

“Liam?” she asked excitedly.

“Umm no this is Niall. Liam’s here with me, though. He’s going through a tough time right now and he needs a break. He wanted me to call you to see if he’s allowed to come home” Niall asked.

“Put it on speaker. I need to hear if she hates me” Liam said.

Niall’s finger was shaking as he hit the speaker button.

“Is he ok? Niall, what’s going on?” she asked with panic in her voice.

“He’s ok. He just needs some personal time and he wants to know if he’s allowed to come home” Niall repeated.

The sound of Karen’s voice hit Liam deep inside his heart. He never really realized just how much he loved his mum until he shut her out.

“Of course, he can come home. This will always be his home and he will always be my son” Karen said.

Niall looked to Liam for the next move.

“Tell her I’m getting on the first flight I can,” Liam said quietly.

“Ok thank you, Karen. He’ll be on the first flight available ok. Have a good day” Niall said as he hung up but when he turned around Liam was collapsed on the bed crying harder than he ever heard him cry before. Niall knew he was going to have to fly back with him. He was in no condition to be alone.


	13. Chapter 13

Liam and Niall arrived at the Payne home in Wolverhampton around 3pm in the afternoon. Liam knocked on the door and held his breath until it opened. Even though he heard his mother say it was ok to come home he still feared being shunned away. By the time Geoff opened the door Liam started turning a bit blue from holding his breath.

“Liam, Niall come in,” Geoff said as he held the door open for the two of them.

Liam had a pained expression on his face the entire flight and he barely said anything for the last fourteen hours. He had barely eaten or even slept at all and Niall was very worried about him.

“I’m going to lay down,” Liam said pushing past his father and going straight into his old bedroom.

“Wait a minute,” Geoff said as he grabbed his arm.

“What?” Liam said trying to avoid his father’s eyes.

“Are you ok? Niall said you had something to tell us,” Geoff persisted.

“No, I just came home for a rest. I’m a bit exhausted and overworked,” Liam said only half telling the truth.

“Are you sure son?” Geoff repeated.

“Yes, I just need to sleep it off. Tomorrow will be better,” Liam insisted as he broke free from his father’s grasp and headed into his bedroom.

Geoff and Niall exchanged glances for a moment.

“Let me go talk to him,” Niall said as he wrapped lightly on Liam’s door.

Niall opened the door once Liam gave him the approval to.

“What do you want?” Liam said knowing exactly what Niall was going to say to him.

“I came here with you to support you so you could tell your parents and get some help for yourself,”

“No, Niall I only agreed to come home. I never said I was going to tell them anything,” Liam said as he started neatly putting stacks of his clothes in his drawers mechanically.

“Liam you have to tell them. Do you know how insane this is?” Niall stressed on.

“Niall please, I haven’t slept in almost a day. I can’t deal with this now. Just let me sleep and I will talk to them tomorrow,” Liam lied.

He had no intentions of telling his parents anything about what happened to him.

“I’ll give you one day if not I’m going to tell them,” Niall stressed.

Liam pulled his sheets back and cringed at the thought of Niall telling his parents the truth. He imagined the look on his mother’s face when she heard about the filthy things he did with his guidance counselor at the age of fifteen. He imagined the disgust she would feel towards him and he tried to think of what his backup plan would be. He could never face his mother again if she was disgusted with him.

“Niall just let me sleep,” Liam said as he took his shirt off.

“Ok fine. I’m going to stay here until I know you’re okay. You can talk to me anytime,” Niall reassured him.

Liam nodded as Niall shut the door.

Niall returned to the living room to talk to Liam’s parents.

“I heard Liam is home. Is he ok?” Karen asked as soon as Niall was in range.

“He’s going to bed. He hasn’t slept in almost a day. He really needs to get some sleep to have a clear mind before he talks to you guys.” Niall said hoping to ease her worries.

“What happened to him?” Karen asked her eyes pleading with Niall.

“It’s not for me to tell you. Liam really needs to tell you himself. He’s ok. He’s not dying or anything and he’s not in any kind of trouble but he is troubled and he needs professional help. That’s all I can really tell you. He begged me to just let him sleep and he said he would talk to you guys tomorrow,” Niall said

Karen had deep lines of worry in her face and Geoff looked pretty tense.

“Thank you, Niall, for bringing my boy home and helping him through whatever this is,” Geoff exclaimed.

“Of course,” Niall said.

“I’m going to make up the guest room for you. I’ll leave out some clean towels and wash cloths for you” Karen said trying to keep herself busy and not think about what was happening to her son. She couldn’t help opening the door to peek in on him on her way to make up the guest room for Niall.

When she got to Liam’s room she opened the door a crack and saw that he was fast asleep. She slipped into the room and sat on the edge of the bed gently. She listened for a moment to the rise of fall of his breathing and she took her hand and brushed the hair off his forehead gently. She leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead.

“I love you sweetheart and nothing will ever change that,” she whispered.

She stared at him a moment longer and then got up to leave.

Niall helped Karen clear away the dishes from dinner and then excused himself. He looked at the clock it was 9 p.m. which meant it was 2 a.m. in L.A. and he knew Olivia would still be up. He snuck away to his room, found her number and hit the face time button.

“Hey babe,” she said.

“I knew you’d still be up,” Niall chuckled as he watched her cozying up to their dog on the couch.

“Yeah, it was a busy night. I made a lot in tips,” she said displaying them to him.

She was a student by day and a bartender by night. Niall offered to take care of everything so she could focus on school but she insisted on earning her own money.

“That’s great,” he smiled.

“So how was your flight? How’s Liam? How’d it go with his parents?” she asked.

“The flight was long but fine. Liam has been sleeping since we got here. We got into an argument about it and he promised he’d talk to his parents tomorrow. I told him he has to or I’m going to tell them,”

“Niall you can’t put that kind of pressure on him. He might need a few days,” Olivia said

“I came out here to be with him and help him through this. I can’t stay forever,” Niall exclaimed.

“Just give him a few days if he needs it,” she said.

“I guess you’re right,” he said.

“I know I’m right,” she said.

“Very funny babe. Anyway, I’m exhausted. It’s like ten after nine and I know it’s early but I need to get some sleep and you should too,” Niall said.

“Goodnight babe. I love you,” she said.

“I love you too,” he said as he clicked the phone off and slid down under the covers.

Liam was in his bedroom when she walked into the room. He felt his insides crawl as she walked closer to him.

“I have good news,” she said as she as she ran her hands over his chest.

“I’m pregnant,” Ms. Harrington said.

Liam felt his blood run cold. That was literally the worst thing he could imagine. He felt bile rising inside himself.

“What’s wrong? Just think if it’s a boy I can teach him the way I taught you. And this way you’ll be a part me of forever,” she said rubbing her belly.

Liam jolted awake and he was sweating everywhere. He felt stifled and like he couldn’t breathe. His body was on fire and itching him everywhere. He got out of bed and hurried into the bathroom. He opened the toilet and vomited violently. After a few minutes, he turned on the shower and got under the water hoping he could wash her away for good. The itching didn’t stop and he knew it never would. He slid down the shower wall and started to cry. He didn’t know what else to do. He let it all go. He was crying so loud he didn’t realize that he had woken up his parents. Then he suddenly he had a moment of clarity. There was only one way to stop it all. He reached for a razor and held it between his fingers tightly. He moved it closer to his wrist as he continued to cry, only harder this time. He had the razor directly above his wrist but his hand started to shake every time he got close to cutting his skin. And then he heard the door open and he could hear his mother and father. His father pulled back the curtain and when Karen saw him with the razor near his wrist she screamed loudly.

“Mum I’m sorry,” Liam said as he dropped the razor and began sobbing.

Geoff turned off the water and grabbed a towel quickly wrapping it around Liam.Liam continued to sob and collapsed into his mother’s arms.

“I’m here. Tell me what happened sweetheart,” she said as she held him tightly.

Geoff helped them up and got Liam’s clothes.

“Come on let’s go in the other room so you can lay down,” he said.

Liam struggled to catch his breath and then it all came crashing out.

“I had sex when I was fifteen mum. I’m sorry,” he said as he inhaled deeply trying to calm his breathing.

“That’s a little young but it’s nothing to be worried about,” Karen said as he held Liam tightly.

“She told me it would help me stop getting bullied and it worked,” Liam said

“Who told you?” Karen asked with a deep concern in her eyes.

“She was only trying to help me, mum. She taught me about sex and how to touch girls and I did it with Charlotte and all the  bullying stopped after that,”

The look on Karen and Geoff’s face was one of pure terror.

“It felt so good when she was teaching me. I couldn’t stop her even though I wanted to mum,”

“Who Liam? Who was it?” Geoff said sounding a bit angry.

Liam felt more tears pour out of his eyes.

“I hate her so much. She really fucked me up. There’s a girl I’m in love with and I can’t even be with her because my mind goes blank every time I have sex. I have had sex with so many people just hoping to find one girl that could make me feel something and then I feel disgusting afterwards and I shower and I shower and I scrub myself until my skin stops itching but it never does. It bleeds instead,” he said trying not to get choked up again.

Karen could feel her insides boiling and when she looked up at Geoff he was beaten red with anger too.

“I’m so sorry sweetheart. Just tell us who it is and we can help you,” Karen said.

“I don’t want the world to know, but she has another kid that she is teaching. I don’t know who, but I don’t want her to hurt anyone else mum,” he cried.

“Liam just tell us who it is,” Geoff coaxed him quietly.

“You guys are going to be so ashamed of me,” he sputtered out.

“Liam we love you. We could never be ashamed of you. We can’t help you if you don’t tell us who did it,” Karen said as she stroked her son’s hair.

“ But I liked it. I went back every day and I had an orgasm. I’m filthy,” he said shamefully.

“None of that matters sweetheart. You were fifteen that’s perfectly normal. Whoever she is, took advantage of you,” Geoff said getting more disturbed with each passing minute.

“It was Ms. Harrington,” he said feeling the weight of seven years finally be lifted off of him.

“I’m gonna be sick,” Karen said suddenly leaning over the garbage can to vomit. She couldn’t make it to the bathroom.

Geoff grabbed Liam tightly.

“We’re going to make sure she pays for this,” he said.

“I thought she was helping me, mum. I really did. I’m sorry,” he said.

“Liam you have nothing to be sorry about. This vile woman took advantage of you and used the bullying as a weapon to get you in her bed and I’m going to make sure she is never around another child again,”

“Nicola said she reached out to her and went to one of your shows with her a few months ago,” Geoff said.

“She did,” Liam said trying to block out the memory of it.

“She has a lot of nerve. The first thing tomorrow we’re going to the police and then you’re going to see a doctor,” Karen said angrily.

“But I don’t have a case. I went there every day to have sex with her. And I had sex with her at the charity ball too,” Liam said.

“What?” Karen asked confused.

“I was upset. I saw Krystal with another guy and I was drinking pretty heavily and she found me and we had sex,” Liam explained.

“She raped you again?” Karen asked. She was outraged.

“Mum, she didn’t rape me. That’s not what happened,” Liam said trying to process her words.

“Liam you can’t be helped unless you realize the problem. Think of that other boy,” Karen said.

“Mum, please you have to help him. I don’t want anyone else to be this fucked up. I honestly feel like I want to die. I was going to do it. And then when I got close to my wrist I thought of you Mum and I didn’t want you to cry over me,” Liam said.

“Liam if you feel that way then please let us help you,” Karen said squeezing his hands.

“Ok,” he said wiping away tears that were starting to form again.

“Can I ask you a question son?” Geoff asked.

Liam nodded.

“How come you never told us?”

“She told me you guys would hate me and kick me out of the house. She said she overheard mum saying that at a parent-teacher conference,” Liam explained.

“She is going to pay for this son that I can promise you”


	14. Chapter 14

Liam woke up and his entire body ached. It ached from crying and vomiting the night before and his skin was raw and tight and scabbed from all the scrubbing. He turned over and looked at the clock it was noon. He sat up and scratched his head. His heart was aching from the pain and memories of what happened to him, but he felt lighter. He felt free. He wanted to go to the police station and tell them what she did. He wanted to help this kid that she had her hands on whoever he was. He wanted to go to that school and smash her skull in. He pulled his clothes out of the drawers and dressed quickly. When he got into the kitchen he could see both of his parents seated at the table with mugs of tea in their hands.

“Would you like some tea?” Geoff asked.

Liam nodded as his father filled a mug for him. Liam sipped at the tea and welcomed the caffeine into his system.

“Are you hungry sweetheart?” Karen asked as she wiped at her eyes.

She spent most of the night crying after Liam’s admission. Liam was about to say no, but his stomach grumbled loudly and told her everything she needed to know.

“I’m going to make you the full English breakfast,” Karen said as she opened the fridge and began to get the ingredients out.

“I want to go to the police today. There is another kid and I have to help him. I can’t let her do to this kid what she did to me,” Liam said firmly.

“We’ll go with you,” Geoff said.

“No,” Liam said a little more firmly than he intended.

Karen and Geoff were taken aback by his abruptness.

“I won’t put you guys through that. Mum cried all night. I don’t want her to have to hear it again,”

“Liam I’ll be ok. You shouldn’t be alone,” Karen pushed.

“No,” Liam said again.

“Karen let him be. We have to let him heal the way he wants to,” Geoff said.

Karen kept her mouth shut as she continued to cook breakfast.

“Do you want me to go with you?” Niall asked joining them in the kitchen.

“Yeah I actually think I do,” Liam said relieved that Niall wanted to go with him. He didn’t mind the company, he just didn’t want it to be his parents.

“Niall would you like some breakfast too?” Karen asked.

“Please,” he responded and turned his focus to Liam.

“What’s happening with the tour?” Liam asked with a pained look on his face.

“The dates are being post –poned and any of the old tickets are being honored. But people can also get a refund if they want too,” Niall explained.

“How about Harry and Lou? Are they pissed?” Liam asked again.

“No of course not. But they are concerned about you. I just told them you were getting some help. You should really tell them what’s going on,” Niall said.

“I will when I get a chance,” Liam said with the pained expression forming again.

Liam just kept replaying his time with Ms. Harrington over and over in his head like a residual haunting. He was miserable but he needed it fresh for when he went to the police.

“Here you boys are,” Karen said putting plates in front of them.

Liam cut and ate his food mechanically. He was no longer excited about tasting his mother’s home cooked meal. He only ate it to ease the pain and grumbling in his stomach.

Niall, on the other hand, was digging in and tasting everything. It was an English breakfast complete with poached eggs, bacon, grilled tomato, fried mushrooms, toast with butter, baked beans, black pudding, bubble and squeak and hash browns.

“This is really great. Thank you, Karen,” Niall said.

After a few minutes, Liam and Niall headed out.

“Can you drive? We’re going to go passed my school and I just don’t think I should be driving when we do,” Liam asked Niall.

“Yeah no problem,” Niall said hopping into Geoff’s car.

They rode in silence for a few minutes and then Liam’s school came into view. Niall looked over at Liam who was squeezing his fists so tightly that his knuckles turned white. And a moment later Liam started sobbing uncontrollably.

“Do you want me to pull over?” Niall asked.

“No just follow Compton rd and I’ll tell you where to turn,”

Liam felt chills as he watched the school disappear behind him in the mirror. He wanted to March in there and hurt her. He wanted her to feel the pain that he feels every day. He wanted to protect the kid that she found to replace him. He wanted to explain to him that even though it will feel good that it’s not worth it. He will be messed up for the rest of his life. He won’t be able to have a relationship or normal sex without taking showers after or feeling itchy all over his body. He motioned for Niall to turn and took a few deep breaths. He was going to have to get it together and be a man. Niall pulled into a parking space and Liam nearly jumped out of the car. He was heading towards the door at a quick pace and Niall had to jog to catch up to him.

Liam burst through the door and found the main desk.

“I need to speak to a detective. I want to report a crime,” Liam said.

“Sure have a seat over here Detective Ashworth will be with you in a moment,” the receptionist said.

Liam motioned for Niall to come join him. Niall didn’t say anything. He just took a seat across from Liam as the detective approached.

“I’m Detective Ashworth I hear you want to report a crime?” he inquired.

“Yes my name is Liam Payne,” he said.

“Ok Liam I’m listening,” the detective said.

“The guidance counselor at Wolverhampton College, her name is Ms.Harrington, there’s a boy that she has been touching, but I don’t know who he is,” Liam said as his brows wrinkled up.

“How did you come across this information?” the detective asked.

“She told me,” he said.

“These are very serious accusations. We are going to have to investigate them,” he said.

“It’s not an accusation. It’s true. She needed a replacement boy,” Liam said getting angry.

“Replacement?” the detective asked.

“For me. She touched me when I was fifteen and now she has a new boy. That’s what she told me. You have to help him,” Liam said.

“I need you to tell me everything from the beginning,” he said grabbing a pen to jot down the key points.

Niall watched as Liam’s body contorted and his brows stayed in the wrinkled position. He watched as Liam went through the whole story again and watching Liam’s eyes he could tell that Liam was reliving ever minute of it. Liam would tense up and then fight tears as he spoke. He blinked them back and pretended as though they weren’t even there. He felt that acknowledging his tears would be like acknowledging her and he didn’t want to give her anything.

“I’m sorry about what happened to you. We are going to investigate your claims about this other boy and we will be in touch. Thank you,” the detective said.

Liam didn’t say anything. He just got up and headed to the door.

“You ok?” Niall asked.

“No, I’m not. I just want her out of my head. I remembered it all Niall. Every detail, every caress. What if this kid likes it? What if he doesn’t want it to stop? I need to make him understand. I never want to get another blow job for the rest of my life. How is that normal?” Liam asked.

“I know it seems impossible right now because this is all fresh, but you will be ok,” Niall asked.

“Please take me home,” Liam said no longer the strong man he was before he left the safety of his parents home.

Niall started the car and wished he knew what to say to Liam.

“Niall honestly I’d rather be dead than have to live with this for another day,” Liam said as they headed back to the Payne home.

“You’re hurting right now but trust me once you talk to the doctor and start to heal you will get through this,” Niall said.

“I’m not talking to any doctor. I can’t tell this story anymore. I told you and my parents and I listened to mum cry all night over it. Then I had to tell the detective in detail what she did to me. It’s embarrassing. I’m a grown man. And every time I tell the GODDAMM story I feel my skin crawling and I need to shower. Niall these wounds all over my chest and arms they NEVER heal. They just keep reopening and bleeding again because nothing else stops the itching. And all day long I keep seeing her GODDAMM face in my mind and I wanna smash it. Honestly, Niall I want to kill her. That’s what I thought of when I first woke up. And then what happens after I talk to a Doctor, I go back to my life as a new person and what do I tell Krystal. “Sorry, we can’t have sex because my guidance counselor touched my penis,” That’s not a mood killer at all.She’s never going to be with me when I’m damaged goods. I’m angry Niall and I don’t know how not to be,” Liam said letting it all out.

“This is good Liam. This is why you should talk to a Doctor, they can help you work out and direct all those feelings into the proper channels,” Niall said again.

“I don’t know. I’ll think about it,” Liam said.

“That’s good,” Niall said.

“Niall I have something to tell you,”

“What is it?” he asked.

“I want to say sorry for the way I’ve been acting. I know you’ve been trying to help me this whole time and I’ve been acting like a jerk. It really means a lot to me all you’ve done to help me and just you being here calms me. Is that weird?” Liam asked.

“Liam you don’t have to apologize and no it’s not weird. I get that all the time,”

“When we get back to the house can we not talk about any of this anymore and just play some FIFA or something?”

Niall laughed.

“You got it,”


	15. Chapter 15

Nicola and Ruth were seated on the couch at the Payne home and Karen and Geoff were on the other couch.

“What’s going on? Why did you call a family meeting?” Ruth asked anxiously.

“Well Liam has something to tell you guys,” Karen said.

“Liam’s here?” Nicola asked.

“Yeah he’s in the bedroom with Niall he’ll be out any minute,” Geoff said.

“Niall’s here?” Ruth asked as she raised an eyebrow in question.

“It’s a long story. I will let Liam explain everything,” Karen said.

 “Do you want me to leave? This is a family thing and I can go explore if you need me to,” Niall asked Liam who was on the edge of his bed.

“I’d like you to stay, but I understand if you don’t want too. This is only the fourth time you’ll be hearing about how she played with my penis,” Liam laughed. But it was a pained laugh. It was almost as if he had to laugh to put on this front.

“Liam I’m here for you for however long you need,” Niall reassured him.

“Come on. Let’s go,” Liam said as he headed into the living room.

The two boys came out and greeted Nicola and Ruth. Liam wedged himself between his parents because it felt safe for him and Niall sat in a chair next to the couch.

“I’ve been having some trouble for a while,” Liam started.

“What kind of trouble? Legal?” Nicola asked.

“Are you sick?” Ruth asked.

They were anxious and jumping the gun.

“No I’m ok. It’s nothing like that,” Liam reassured them.

“I’ve been having these moments where my mind goes blank every time I have sex and I spent the last few years trying to figure out why. I thought there has to be some reason that I don’t feel anything. I thought maybe I was gay, so I had sex with a man, that didn’t work, and then when I came home a few months ago I had sex with Charlotte again since she was my first. I thought maybe that she had something to do with everything, but the same thing happened. And it wasn’t just the blankness, I hate getting blow jobs, I feel disgusting every time I have sex and I need to shower or I will itch for hours,” Liam explained.

Karen was horrified to here these new admissions.

“Wait a minute. You had sex with a man?” Karen gasped.

“Yes. I paid for a discreet male escort. It wasn’t for me,” he said.

“Liam an escort? That’s illegal and dangerous,” Karen said.

No one else seemed to be saying a word as they were trying to take it all in.

“What did you expect me to do? Walk into a bar and announce that I was looking for a guy to fuck me,” he said.

“Karen just let him finish,” Geoff said as he watched both his wife and son getting more excited by the minute.

“The point is that I couldn’t figure out why I was having issues with sex and then I went to the school to talk to the kids and I’ve pretty much been drinking ever since,”

He paused for a moment, but no one spoke. Then he continued.

“Do you know why that is?” he asked.

They shook their heads no.

“Because Ms. Harrington made a great deal with me when I was fifteen. She told me she had a way to stop the bullying and she was right it worked. But what she didn’t tell me was how fucked up I would be at twenty-two years old. Do you know how embarrassing it is to be a grown man and have sex problems?”

“Liam what happened? What did Ms. Harrington do?” Nicola asked nearly jumping out of her seat.

“There’s a girl that I’m in love with. I’m not the manwhore that everyone thinks I am. And I can’t even be with her sexually. I don’t want to be with her unless I can feel every moment of it. So you know what I did. I was a dick to her. I pushed her away because I’m not good enough her. She doesn’t know my secret and she will never want me after she finds out. No girl will,” Liam said on the verge of tears.

“It’s ok son,” Geoff said rubbing his back softly.

“Liam please what happened?” Ruth begged.

“Ms. Harrington taught me about sex. She taught me how to please girls, she had sex with me every day after school in her office and I used what she taught me on Charlotte and then all the bullying stopped. I was a superstar. Do you know I can bring a girl to orgasm in under two minutes?” Liam asked.

“Oh my God Liam I brought her to the show. I’m so sorry,” Nicola said as tears started pouring out of her eyes.

“I should have known. You always acted strangely after school,” Ruth said now crying as well.

They got up to try and hug him and he pushed their embraces away.

He was looking at them crying and he desperately wanted to hug them.

“Stop crying please,” Liam said fighting the impulses behind his eyes to cry.

This made them cry even harder. He paced back and forth for a few minutes while they cried. He felt trapped in the room with them.

“STOP FUCKING CRYING,” he yelled as he smashed a vase with flowers his mom had on the table.

This startled everyone and the room got silent.

“I’m so fucking sick of everything. The tears, the pain in my chest, these scars that don’t heal. There’s nothing left for me. I feel like I want to rip my skin off. I think about it sometimes. Like what would it feel like if I just didn’t have skin then it wouldn’t itch me? Or trying to drown myself just enough to give myself brain damage so that I don’t have to think about this anymore,” Liam said backing away from everyone. He realized he was against the wall and he slid down it slowly.

“But I need to be functional in case the police need me to help that kid. What if he ends up like me?” Liam asked as he let the tears finally fall.

“Liam you can fight me all you want and if you need someone to hate or blame I’ll take that too, but tomorrow I’m checking you into a hospital,” Karen said.

“What if it doesn’t help me mum? What if I can’t have sex ever again? What if no woman will ever love me? I don’t want to be alone. I want to get married one day and have kids,” Liam cried as he felt his stomach lurch.

“I can’t promise you Liam but I know in my heart that you’re going to be ok. A mother always knows these kinds of things,” Karen said bending down to hold him.

“We should go tonight. They never have enough beds at those places and I want to be sure he will get proper care,” Geoff said.

“I’ll go pack him a bag,” Ruth said wiping at her eyes.

Liam was catatonic still in position against the wall just kind of hearing mumbled voices around him and watching them go back and forth. He saw his parents talking to Niall but he couldn’t make out any of the actual words. He didn’t know how much time had gone by before they were hoisting him up to his feet.

He let them lead him to the car where he could feel his sister’s hugging and kissing him. And then Niall appeared in front of him and he was saying something about going home, but Liam was too out of it to care. They put him in the car and he wondered how long he’d be away and if he’d ever be cured.


	16. Chapter 16

Niall walked into the restaurant and he saw Harry waving him over to the table he sat at with Louis. He flopped down and the dread inside of him was piling up. How do you tell your friends that your other friend was sexually molested?

“How’s Liam?” Louis asked and Harry nodded while he sipped his water to show he was going to ask the same thing.

“Not too good. His parents finally checked him into a hospital so I felt safe enough to leave him. It’s pretty intense and I want to be sure that you guys are ready to hear it,” Niall said as he stared at the bowl of chips in the middle of the table. He was hungry but he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to get it down.

Louis took a sip from a drink.

“I think we can handle it,”

Harry didn’t say a word but silently confirmed what Louis said.

“Well, Liam confided in me about some problems he’s been having the past few years. He has sex with all these girls but he never feels anything. His mind blanks out and he has been trying to debunk it,” Niall said.

“Go on,” Harry said.

“And when he went home to talk to the kids at the school he realized why he is so fucked up, and he has been trying to block it out of his mind by drinking himself into oblivion,”

“That explains why he was so drunk that security detained him at the airport,” Harry said piecing it together.

“So what was it? What happened?” Louis asked.

“Remember how he always told us how he could please women and how he did all that stuff when he was young?” Niall asked.

They nodded and he took a deep breath. He knew how badly the news had hurt him and now he was passing it on, it was sure to hurt Louis and Harry.

“Well that girl Charlotte wasn’t his first,” Niall said.

“Well, who was?” Harry asked.

“His guidance counselor, that woman that showed up at the shows with Nicola, she used the fact that he was bullied to manipulate him. She touched him and had sex with him and showed him how to please a woman every day after school and told him if he knew how to please girls then the bullying would stop. And it did. The girls suddenly had an interest in him and the guys wanted to know his secrets. It really fucked him up. At first, he thought he was lucky because the bullying stopped and he got with his hot guidance counselor but he finally realized what happened to him was wrong,” Niall said. He literally didn’t stop until it was all out.

“Oh God, I feel horrible. How could we not have seen it?” Harry said suddenly feeling sick to his stomach.

“What kind of sick person uses a child’s bullying to manipulate him into sex?” Louis said angrily. He was balling up his fists until his knuckles turned white.

“There’s more,” Niall said.

“Oh God what could be worse than this?” Harry said in despair.

“She found some other kid and Liam went to the police so they may need his testimony,” Niall said.

“This situation is fucked. And you know they are going to go easy on her because she’s a woman,” Louis said getting angrier by the second.

“This explains so much, but how could we not see it,” Harry repeated.

“How could we Harry? He was so withdrawn and angry anytime we questioned him,” Niall said reassuringly.

“How long is he going to be there?” Harry asked as he placed his hand over Louis’ clenched fist in hopes to relax him a bit.

“At least three months,” Niall said.

“How are Karen and Geoff? Is anything we can do for them?” Harry asked.

“Not good. They took the news pretty hard and they found Liam naked in the shower at four a.m. seconds away from slitting his wrist. He has scabs and sores all over his body from scrubbing himself raw every day. Things were really bad over there,” Niall said.

“I’m sorry we weren’t there to do more,” Louis said.

“It’s better you weren’t. I don’t think Liam would be able to handle it. He asked me to tell you guys what happened and told me to give you the number where he is staying if you need him,” Niall said handing them a piece of paper.

“Niall you’re a really good friend. Better than we’ve been. Thank you for taking care of him. We will call Liam tomorrow,” Louis said.

“That’s good. I’m sure he’d love to hear from you guys,” Niall said.

“I know we dragged you all the way here, but I really don’t think I can eat now,” Harry said.

“It’s ok Harry. I’m just going to get some stuff to go,” Niall said as he headed over to the takeout window.

Niall watched as Harry and Louis left the restaurant. He breathed a sigh of relief that he wouldn’t have to tell anyone this horrible story.

Liam sat up in his bed and looked at the clock on the wall. It was 9 at night which meant it was 1 in the afternoon in L.A. He had been struggling with the idea of calling Krystal, but he remembered what the therapist said about repairing past relationships and he punched her number into the phone. It started to ring and his heart was pounding wildly. He didn’t even know if she’d want to talk to him.

“Hello,” she said into the phone.

“Hi,” he said quietly.

“Liam? Is that you?” she asked.

“Why are there other guys calling you from England that I need to know about?” he said hoping a joke would break the ice.

“Are you ok? I heard you guys had to cancel the rest of the tour,” she asked with true concern in her voice.

“I had what I guess you could call a breakdown and now I’m in a hospital, but I’m ok for now. I have to talk to some doctors and stuff,” Liam said feeling embarrassed.

“Well when you’re feeling we can talk,” she said hinting that she wanted to go out with him.

“Krystal I need to tell you something. I have been a complete prick to you in the past few months. I’ve been mean and ignored you and I embarrassed you at your charity event. I made it about me instead of the cause you were representing. I had a lot of whiskeys and groped you and said things I didn’t mean,” he rambled on.

Krystal remembered that night all too well and it’s haunted her ever since. She remembered the pained look on his face when he told her he loved her and then just disappeared.

“ Well I hope there were some things that you said that you did mean,” she said hoping he really did love her and that it wasn’t the alcohol talking.

“We can talk about that stuff when I feel better too,” Liam said feeling really embarrassed.

“Ok,” Krystal said quietly.

“So what are you wearing right now?” Liam asked as he closed his eyes and tried to imagine her.

“LIAM,” she said teasingly.

“Come on I’m going to be stuck here for months I need some material or I’m just going to have to picture you naked,” he teased.

“ My work clothes,” she said.

“That could be anything. Can you be more specific?” he asked.

“A pencil skirt and a batman tee with a blazer and high heels,”

“All I heard was batman tee and high heels. You just might be my dream girl,” he teased again.

“ Well you know I think you’re like the hottest guy I’ve ever seen so that might be a good thing,” she flirted back.

“Krystal I will never deserve you in a thousand years so why do you keep forgiving me?” Liam asked.

“Because I have had a crush on you forever and you finally noticed me and I need to see this through so I don’t spend my life wondering what if? And I told you I can see who you really are and you’re a big sweetie,”

“I’m going to be in here for at least 3 months,” he said.

“I’ve waited years, what’s three more months,”

“A lot could happen in three months, you could run off and marry some guy who’s better than me and more handsome,” Liam said letting his insecurities show.

“Liam I’m not going to get married in three months,” she reassured him.

“Krystal I might not be able to have sex with you, EVER,” he said.

“Liam why is that so important to you? We can cross those bridges when we get to them,”

“If you married me I’d be wildly jealous but I’d let you sleep with other men so you don’t deny yourself pleasure,” Liam said and he was dead serious.

“Liam that’s insane. I would never do that to you and why would you even say something like that to me?” Krystal asked.

“Because I know it’s important to you. You don’t think I can feel the tension in your body when I kiss you just begging to be released. I can feel your frustration because I can’t give you what you want. That’s why I’ve avoided you for months at a time because when I’m with you the desire is too strong for both of us and I can’t bear to see you like that,” Liam confessed. It felt good to get this all out.

“Liam I know you can’t help it but you worry too much. Just get better so we can talk in person. I miss your face,” Krystal said feeling tears well up in her eyes.

“I miss you more than you know love,” Liam confessed again.

“Well you need to rest and get better and I will be counting the days until I can see you,”she said.

“Have a good day beautiful,” Liam said.

“Goodnight,” she said as she hung up the phone.

Liam laid back in the bed as he stared at a picture of her on his phone until sleep overtook him.


	17. Chapter 17

Three months went by faster than Liam thought. Each day the treatment became easier and easier and once he went back to his parents’ house for a whole month. The thought of going back to L.A. alone terrified him. He had responsibilities and they were going to catch up to him eventually. He had a commitment to the band and he promised Krystal he would see her when he got out. He went downstairs to find Louis and Harry in the kitchen with his mother.  
“What are you guys doing here?” Liam said with genuine surprise. He had no idea they were planning to visit.  
“Sorry to barge in on you like this but we missed you. We thought we’d take a drive up to Birmingham and tear it up,” Louis said.  
“Uh- um” Liam hesitated.  
“Go on honey. Go have fun. Get some fresh air and be with your friends,” Karen urged him.  
“Ok just let me get my things,” Liam said as he headed to his room and Louis and Harry followed.  
Karen was putting towels away in the closet just outside his door while the boys talked.  
“Man, why didn’t you come to Vegas when we invited you?” Harry asked.  
“Oh, it was my mum. She didn’t think it was a good idea,” Liam said coming up with a lie quickly.  
Karen heard this and she knew what she had to do once Liam returned home.  
The three boys walked out to the car and Liam was trying to let himself relax.  
“Come on mate the doctor says you’re better so why are you so intense? When is the last time you’ve been outside?” Louis teased.  
“Don’t be ridiculous I’ve been outside,” Liam huffed.  
“Your front and back yard don’t count,” Louis said with a laugh.  
“I’ve been busy. I started to keep a journal. My doctor told me to write down my thoughts. When I’m happy or sad or angry or worried. All of it. It helps,”  
“I bet it’s filled with naked doodles of your girlfriend,” Harry said from the front seat.  
Louis couldn’t hold back his laugh.  
“She’s not my girlfriend,” Liam said.  
“She wants to be,” Louis said.  
“Well I haven’t told her what happened yet so who knows,” Liam said getting quiet.  
“Is that why you’ve been hiding here at your parent's place? Are you afraid to tell her?” Harry asked as he continued to drive to Birmingham.  
“No,” Liam huffed turning away to look out the window.  
“Liam you better make your move because that guy Simon she works with is all over her,” Louis said seriously.  
“I hate that guy,” Liam said seriously getting annoyed.  
“Let’s go to that bar. What was it called? The one with the canalside terrace and balcony,” Harry said from the driver’s seat.  
“It’s The Malt House,” Liam said.  
“Yeah that place is ace,” Louis said.  
“They have great food there,” Liam said.  
“There’s also that place with the arcade,” Louis said.  
“Oh the Flapper, yes,” Harry said.  
“That’s a great place too,” Liam said.  
Harry pulled the car into the parking lot of the Malt House and they found a space pretty quickly.  
“Let’s do this,” Louis said hopping out of the car.  
The three of them got out and went into the bar. They found some open stools in the corner and Liam looked at the menu.  
“Let’s get the favorites platter. It’s got burgers, minced pies, fish sticks and mushy peas,” Liam said excitedly.  
“It’s nice to see you smile mate,” Harry said putting his hand on his back gently.  
Liam felt happy to be out with Louis and Harry but he knew they would be much farther away if he went back to L.A. alone.  
They ordered food and Louis went over to play a game of darts with Liam. Liam went first and the dart sank miserably.  
“What the hell was that mate? You losing your touch. You used to have perfect form.” Louis pointing to Liam’s not so prominent muscle.  
“I haven’t really been to the gym. I’ve been writing mostly in my journal,” Liam said.  
“That’s good. I’m just saying you might want to prepare a little bit. You’re going to need the energy for the tour,” Louis said seriously.  
“I will be fine for the tour,” Liam said.  
“So when are you going back to L.A.?” Louis asked.  
“I’m not. I’m going to stay with my mum until the tour. She needs me. I’ve been helping around the house with chores and projects and things,” he said not meeting Louis’ eyes.  
“They seem fine to me,”Louis.  
“Oh Lima, our food is here,” Harry said as he walked over with a fish stick in his hand.  
Liam was never more thankful for Harry’s intrusion.  
“Give me a minute, I’m trying to wipe the floor with Tommo,”  
“Get it while it’s hot,” Harry said bringing the fish stick up to Liam’s mouth making sure to cup his hand underneath while feeding him gently.  
Liam took a bite of the fish stick and he looked like he was in heaven. Harry put the rest of them fish stick in his mouth and his finger brushed Liam’s lips gently.It was no secret that if Harry didn’t have Louis he’d want Liam. Louis nearly slapped Liam’s face when he pushed Harry away. All while Liam was so focused on the flavor of his food.  
“Hey watch it,” Liam said.  
“I just beat you. Game over, let’s have a drink,” Louis said handing a beer to Liam.  
Three hours later, they got into the car and Liam was quite a happy drunk. Harry the designated driver made sure Louis was ok before he pulled away.  
“Guys I’m fat,” Liam blurted out from the backseat.  
“Well maybe you shouldn’t eat like the food is going to run off your plate,” a drunk Louis blurted out.  
“You’re not fat, you’re just not as toned as you normally are. Which is understandable you were in the hospital, it’s not like they have state of the art gym equipment,” Harry said trying to soften the blow while glaring at Louis.  
“I don’t know even know if I can have sex, but I think it would be worse if I crushed the girl to death. Krystal is tiny,” Liam muttered.  
“I knew you were making naked doodles of her in your notebook. I bet you wanked a lot in the hospital thinking about her huh,” Louis said.  
Harry glared at him again. Sometimes he could be really insensitive.  
“They actually encouraged me to, but I was scared. I didn’t know what was going to pop into my head and I don’t like feeling like I’m not in control so I only did it twice,” Liam said.  
“Just twice? But I’m sure you’ve wanked since you’ve been home?” Louis asked trying to wrap his mind around it.  
“It’s part of my therapy. The doctor wants me to be comfortable with myself sexually before I try and be sexual with someone else. She says I should do it and journal my thoughts. I started too and then I got caught by my mum. It was an accident. She didn’t know I was still in bed and she was bringing in my laundry and she saw and it was really embarrassing for us both,” Liam explained.  
“Your poor mum. She saw your giant cock,” Louis said.  
“Are you ok Liam? How has the journaling been for you?” Harry asked trying to be the supportive friend.  
“It helps but I haven't had a wank since that day. It was a bit traumatising,” Liam said.  
“Maybe you should go back to L.A. so you can wank whenever you want,” Harry said.  
“I can’t my mum needs me. There is lots to do ,” Liam said using the same excuse.  
“I’m sure she can survive without you for a bit. Maybe just go home for a week or two. You can always come back,” Harry said pulling up in front of the Payne’s home.  
“Thank you guys for taking me out and for coming all the way out here to see me. It means a lot to me,” Liam said as he opened the car door.  
“Goodbye Payno,” Louis shouted as Liam walked up the driveway into his house.  
Liam walked in and when he turned on the light both of his parents were awake and waiting for him at the kitchen table.  
“What’s going on? Is everything ok?” Liam asked as concern washed over him.  
“Have a seat,” Geoff said.  
“What is it?” Liam asked again.  
“It’s you, sweetheart. I’m really worried about you. Why didn’t you go to Vegas when Harry and Louis invited you?” Karen asked.  
“Because I just got home and I was helping you with stuff here and –  
“Liam you’re getting too comfortable here. I make your meals and do your laundry and I’m happy to do it, but I fear you’re losing your independence and using us as a crutch,” Karen explained.  
“No mum that’s not it,” Liam said starting to squirm.  
“You have responsibilities. You’re going back on tour in a few months. You don’t think maybe you should go home first and get acclimated again to life without your mum and I. You’re just going to throw yourself into the tour and you’re going to end up in the hospital again,” Geoff said.  
Liam sat there with a pained expression on his face. He kept wrinkling his brow over and over again, but he just couldn’t say the words that were in his head. Luckily for him, his father knew what they were.  
“I know you’re scared. You’re afraid of not being able to be alone and ending up in that hospital again. And you’re afraid to see that girl. You know she called here today looking for you?” Geoff said.  
“She did?” Liam asked.  
“Liam any girl that’s going to be ashamed to be with you because of what happened is not the right girl for you and I don’t think you have anything to worry about because she seems like a wonderful girl,” Geoff explained.  
“I’m sorry guys. I don’t know what to say,” Liam said still in shock that his parents figured this all out.  
“You don’t have to say anything. We love you and want what’s best for you. But you need to go home. And if you’re not ready and something happens our door is always open, but if you don’t leave now you’re never going to leave. I cleared it with Detective Ashworth. They have everything they need from you,” Geoff said sliding him tickets to L.A. across the table.  
“What did she say when she called?” Liam asked suddenly feeling very self-conscious of the weight he gained.  
“ She asked if you were ok and if I knew when you were coming back to L.A. and she wants you to call her,” Geoff said.  
“What did you say?” Liam asked.  
“I just said that you’re doing very well and that you were out at the moment and that I’d have you call her and tell her when you’d be coming back,” Geoff said.  
“I should go pack,” Liam said getting up from the table.  
He wasn’t sure how he felt. He didn’t know if he wanted to be angry or sad or happy. He almost knew this day would come, he just didn’t expect it to be today.


	18. Chapter 18

Liam could feel his pulse begin to increase every minute he waited outside Krystal’s door for her to answer. He was feeling weak in the knees a bit and his stomach was flip flopping. He knew that she wasn’t like the other girls and she cared about him but he was still scared his news would send her running for the hills. He was also feeling very self-conscious about the weight he put on since being hospitalized. He was afraid that if she accepted him that he wouldn’t be able to give her what she needs sexually. He was just standing there brooding when she opened the door.

“Well hello handsome,” she said when she saw Liam standing on her doorstep.

Liam felt his stomach drop and his face flush. There was no doubt he was in love with her. Liam presented her with flowers and then she reached to pull him in for a hug. He took a moment to savor the feeling of her pressed against him and the smell of her perfume. He bent down and kissed her forehead gently.

“Come on in so we can talk,” she said as she broke away from him.

The temptation to kiss her was already starting but he put it out of his mind. He wanted more than anything to put this behind him.

“I was molested by my guidance counselor. She told me she could help the bullying by teaching me how to please a woman. I let her do it because she was hot and I was a horny teenager and then I used what I learned on other girls and the bullying did stop because the guys wanted to know my secret. And I went back every day and that’s why I was so fucked up. Physically I couldn’t make her stop because it felt so good, but inside I didn’t want her to touch me anymore. Then when I went to talk to the kids at my school I saw her there and it brought back the memories and she showed up at a few shows and taunted me and then she did it to me again the night of the charity ball. After I talked with you I went into some room to drink and cry and she found me and had sex with me again and she told me she had a new boy toy and I was honestly sick. I reported it to the police in Wolverhampton and I needed a lot of help and my parents took me to the hospital and I’m much better now. And if you’re grossed out by me I understand. I don’t blame you at all,” Liam said without meeting her eyes and his brow filled with deep wrinkles.

“Oh my God Liam. I am so sorry that happened to you. She should be in jail for what she did to you and she certainly shouldn’t be around kids anymore,” she said placing her hand on his.

Liam looked up at her for the first time. He was so afraid of seeing a look of disgust. But all he saw was love and concern.

“You’re not grossed out?” Liam asked.

“I could never be grossed out by you,” she said as she pulled him to her and kissed his lips.

Liam felt his lips begin to tingle and his whole body started to come alive. His hormones were going into overdrive. He pulled her onto his lap not caring that she could feel his excitement. He was kissing her lips and neck trying not to let the desire he felt overtake him. She kissed his neck and ground a bit on his lap and he needed to stop and take a breath. He pulled away.

“Krystal please I need a minute,” Liam said.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I get so weak when you kiss me. I lose my inhibitions and-

“”No it’s not that. I’m ok. I just need a minute. I just want to please you,” Liam said.

“You do please me. I love you being here with me,” she said.

“There’s something I want to tell you. I want to do this right,” he said nervously.

“Ok,” she said batting her big doe eyes at him.

“I know I said it to you at the charity ball, but I was drunk and I was being an ass but I I meant it. I’m in love with you. I would do anything for you. I’ve never been in love before and it gets a bit overwhelming for me sometimes. I want you so much. But if you don’t want the same thing and you’d rather be with Simon then tell me now and I’ll bow out gracefully,” he explained.

“Simon? Really?” she said wrinkling her nose.

“Louis told me he was after you…

“Liam I wasn’t going to say it until I was sure you were ok because I didn’t want you to get all mixed up but I love you. I really do. You’re the best guy I know and I want to be with you,” she said.

“Thank God I thought I was going to leave here humiliated,” Liam joked.

“Liam I don’t know if we should be doing this just yet. Don’t you need time? I don’t want to upset you or trigger something,” she said with concern.

“This is what I need to be doing. My doctor said to try things slowly especially with someone I care about,” he explained.

“Well then let’s do this,” she said pulling her shirt off over her head.

Liam’s eyes seemed to pop out of his head at the site of her. All he could see was her perky hard nipples staring at him from underneath the lace in her bra. He was so nervous he felt like a teenager again. She leaned over him and kissed him gently again and unbuttoned a few buttons of his shirt while kissing his neck softly.

“Is this too fast for you?” she whispered.

Liam was ready to bust out of his pants and they barely even started.

“No I’m ok,” he said reaching his hands up her back and unsnapping her bra.

His mouth immediately went for her nipples and he began to lick and suckle them gently. She let out soft moans and it was driving him insane. He continued for another ten minutes and he was straining in his pants so badly he had to take it out.

“I’m sorry. I just need to let it out. It’s killing me in my pants,” Liam said as he unzipped and pulled his jeans and boxer briefs down.

“Holy fuck, it’s bigger than I thought,” Krystal said as she silently imagined what it would feel like inside of her.

“It’s yours now. It belongs to you,” Liam said out of the learned behavior.

“No it belongs to you, but you’re so nice to let me play with it sometimes,” she said as she ran her fingers down his chest. She wanted to establish that his body belonged to him.

Liam reached up and pulled her panties down gently. She bit her lip. Thinking about him touching her down there in any way sent her into overdrive. She pulled her panties down the rest of the way and he sat back on the couch admiring every inch of her.

“You are a goddess. And I need to bury my face in you,” he said standing and letting his pants drop all the way to the floor, wearing only a shirt partially unbuttoned. He pulled her into his arms and laid her down on the couch gently.

“Take your shirt off baby. You look silly,” she cooed as he began kissing her thighs.

“I haven’t been to the gym and trust me you don’t want to see what’s under this,” he said feeling self-conscious about his protruding tummy.

Krystal sat up and kissed the exposed part of his chest and continued to kiss it as she unbuttoned the rest of his shirt and took it off.

“You are the hottest man I’ve ever seen and I want you naked,” she said as she slid the shirt off his shoulders.

“And I need you on your back so I can pleasure you,” he said as he pushed her gently back down in the position she was before.

Liam kissed her thighs gently until he reached her entrance. He spread it open slightly and he began to rub her gently with his finger. He was feeling focused with a clear head. He wanted this more than anything and he refused to have an episode. She kept some hair down there which also kept in her natural smell and that made him crazy. He pressed his lips to her clitoris and started a gentle sucking. He made sure to keep his mind aware that he was with Krystal and he wanted to make sure she was in pleasure. He spent some time doing just that before he added his fingers. He didn’t want her to finish too soon because he was enjoying it so much. He stopped for a minute and climbed up to kiss her.

“God Liam, are you nuts? Why did you stop?” Krystal said breathily.

“Because I’m enjoying it as much as you are and I don’t want you to finish just yet,” he teased as he nibbled at her lips.

She reached her hands down to rub herself.

“uh-huh,” he said grabbing her wrist. She was never more turned on in her life and neither was he.

“You want me to keep going?” he said as he ran his hands over her gently.

“PLEASE,” she begged.

“ What do you want?” he asked.

“Anything, just please touch me. My pussy is throbbing really bad,” she squirmed beneath him.

Liam had a look of panic on his face. He remembered his lessons all of a sudden.

“When the clit throbs it needs to be sucked, but when the pussy throbs it needs to be fucked,” he said.

“Liam no it’s ok. I just want you to touch me,” Krystal said as she sat up.

“No I know that if it’s throbbing nothing else I do is going to relieve that,” he said going back to that brooding look.

“Liam we don’t need to have sex,” she said.

“This is what I was afraid of. Me getting you to this point and me not being able to please you because I can’t perform. I’m not going to do it with you if I can’t feel anything. I don’t deserve that and neither do you. You can have sex with whoever you want until I can fix this problem,” Liam said as he started to cry.

“Hey, I’m not going to do that ever. I love you. I’m with you no matter what. Everything was fine. I was getting close and then you stopped. There is no reason we can’t continue with what we were doing,” she said as she brushed the tears from his cheeks.

“It’s not what your body needs. I can’t give that to you right now,” he said.

“What if there was a way you could?” she asked.

Liam had a confused look on his face.

“I’ll be right back,” she said as she hurried into her bedroom.

Liam was on the couch contemplating leaving before she got back, but he knew that wasn;t the best way to start a relationship. She emerged in the doorway carrying something behind her back.

“What is it?” he asked.

“You know I’ve fantasized about you for years so I bought myself something that I imagined you looked like based on the rumors I’ve heard,” she said producing a  giant dildo from behind her back.

“You want me to use that on you?” he asked looking confused.

“Sure why not? It’ll give me what I need until we can get over this hump and of course it’s not going to be as good as you, so I will still have that to look forward to,” she said.

Liam cleared off Krystal's coffee table and placed a pillow on it for her head.

“Lay down,” he instructed.

Krystal laid down and rested her head on the pillow. Liam pulled her back into his mouth and continued where he left off. He used his mouth for a few minutes and then he stopped and slid the dildo inside of her. She moaned as she adjusted to the size and his hormones were back into overdrive. He pushed it in and out of her slowly and he could see it was driving her nuts. She wanted him to pound her but he was having too much fun.

“MMMM please,” she begged.

“Please what?” he asked.

“Please fuck me,” she cried.

Liam began to use the toy harder and more quickly and her moans began to get louder and quicker. Liam was so turned on by her and then he had an idea was sure to make her pleasure tenfold. He leaned down and took her into his mouth again while he continued to use the toy on her. Krystal was arching her back and bucking a lot and she wrapped her legs around Liam. It wasn’t long until she felt intense heat spread through her and she cried out as she reached orgasm. Liam was able to let thoughts in and out of his mind. Her reaction to the pleasure only made him keep going. He wanted to see more. He loved seeing her in pleasure and he was being selfish.

“I can’t take anymore,” she cried.

Liam pulled his mouth off but didn’t stop with the toy. He slowed down a lot and that was almost worse. She was still pulsing everywhere.

“Yeah you can baby, just give yourself a minute,” Liam said as he pulled the toy in and out of her slowly.

“Please,” she cried.

Liam was being selfish again and he took her in his mouth again and picked the pace of the toy back up. Krystal wasn’t fully recovered from her orgasm before Liam made her cum fiercely again. He felt her body shaking and she was moaning loudly. She felt so good tears poured out of her eyes.

“Fuck,” she cried as he finally let up and pulled both his face and the toy away from her.

“How do you feel baby?” he asked as he climbed up to kiss her.

“I love you,” she said as she stared into his eyes.

“God you’re gorgeous,” he said as his eyes drank in her naked body.

“Now what are we going to do about that?” she asked pointing to his extremely hard cock.

Liam was so focused on Krystal and her pleasure he completely forgot that he was hard until she pointed it out.

“Don’t worry about me. I will take care of it later,” he said.

“No Liam. This is all learned behavior. Your pleasure matters too,” she said as she ran her hand over him.

“I- uh,” he said as he swallowed.

“Sit down on the couch,” she said softly.

He did as he was told but he was on alert.

“May  I touch you, babe? I really want to take care of that for you,” she said quietly.

“Ok,” he nodded. He thought of what the therapist said about opening himself up to his own pleasure.

Krystal took him in her hands and began to stroke him gently. His mind was reeling and he was trying desperately to let himself go. He focused on Krystal and how soft and gentle she was. She continued to stroke him for a few more minutes and she was going down to take him in her mouth and he pulled her up.

“I don’t think I can do that. I’m sorry,” he said.

“It’s ok. It’s all about you. Whatever you want. You’re in control,” she said.

“Just keep doing what you were doing, it feels so good,” he said.

Krystal took him back in her hand and continued to stroke him slowly adding more momentum. She kept checking his face to make sure he wasn’t in any emotional anguish or pain. After a few minutes, she leaned in closer and put him between her breasts and began to move them up and down on it. He groaned loudly in pleasure and then it happened and neither of them was prepared for it. He climaxed quickly and his cum shot out quickly and there was a lot more than she anticipated. It got on her face and in her hair too. She looked at Liam and his eyes were closed tightly and he groaned in pleasure and it brought a smile to her face. She was so happy to see him in genuine pleasure that she didn’t even mind the mess. He was so happy inside that he was able to think about his cock between her breasts while he finished. They were dirty thoughts, but they were still thoughts and he was so grateful. When he was done he opened his eyes and he was horrified by the mess he made of her.

“Shit. I’m so sorry. I should have warned you. It just came over me. I wasn’t prepared for it. I didn’t think you were going to do that and you did and I just- What kind of guy cums on his girlfriend's face? That is so disrespectful and degrading. I would NEVER do that to you,”

“Babe it’s ok. It’s hot,” she said trying to lick some of it off with her tongue.

“Are you trying to kill me or something? If you do that, he’s going to get all excited again and I have no control over him,” Liam said nervously.

He couldn’t stop smiling. Krystal smiled at him back.

“What do I have something on my face?” he asked.

“No, I’m just so happy to see you smiling. I can’t remember a time where you were truly happy,” she said.

“Krystal I had an orgasm and I didn’t blank out. I thought about things when I pleasured you too. I just don’t know how else to react. I’m having so much fun. This is all new to me. It’s amazing to touch a woman and be connected to her. Now I understand why my dad was so concerned about me being too young to do those things with girls. I wouldn’t be able to handle this if I was sixteen. When you kiss me or touch me I feel this warmth that starts in my heart and spreads throughout my whole body. It’s amazing,” he explained.

“That’s what love is sweetie,” she said as she climbed up on the couch with him and cuddled up.

“You know what I think?” he asked.

“What?” she asked.

“I think you should never get dressed again,” he said as his fingertips caressed every part of her skin.

Krystal laughed and smiled at him.

“I have been waiting a very long time for you and trust me it was worth the wait,” she said as she pressed her head against him.

“Let’s go snuggle in your bed,” he said as he got up.

“Ok,” she said as she reached down for her clothes.

“No, no clothes. In like twenty minutes I’m going to need to ravage you again,” he said.

“You’re so bad,”

“You love me,” he said.

“I do. I really do,” she said.

They got under the covers and they fell asleep in each other’s arms.


	19. Chapter 19

Harry, Louis, Niall, and Liam were all huddled together in a circle with their arms linked and their heads together. It was part of their pre-show ritual. They were moments from taking the stage. They finished their handshake and they took their places. As soon as the lights went out they could hear the crowd erupt and Liam felt the rush he had been missing since he left the tour. They stepped out and the music began. For the first time in months, Liam felt normal and free. He let himself go and he couldn’t stop smiling. The crowd cheered for him much more since he had been gone for so long. They were happy that he was healthy and that he returned to the band.

Two hours went by like two minutes and it was over before they knew it. Liam couldn’t wait to see Krystal and his family. He had wanted them to meet formally and have a dinner and everything but Krystal had flown in and didn’t mind meeting them after the show. He had a really fast shower and when he finished his family was waiting for him.

He hugged them for a long time. They were happy to see him so happy. He was still hugging his mother tightly when his phone went off. Liam broke the hug and checked his phone. It was a text from Krystal.

“Krystal is here to meet you guys. She’s headed back this way now,” he said motioning to her.

“Liam she’s gorgeous,” Ruth said as she watched her walking towards them.

“You must be Liam’s family. I’m Krystal,” she said as she extended her arm out to his mother.

“It’s very nice to meet you, dear,” Karen said shaking his hand.

“I can see why Liam won’t shut up about you,” Geoff said.

Krystal smiled at and then turned to look at Liam while she was still smiling. Ruth who was extremely protective of her brother just watched as Liam smiled at her. She had never seen her brother smiling so big before. She studied Krystal and wanted to make sure she was being genuine with her baby brother.

“I’m Ruth. So how did you guys meet?” she said questioning Krystal.

“I work for a charity group they use. We met years ago actually. I’ve always wanted to date your brother but it took him this many years to notice me,” Krystal said.

“That’s not true. I’ve always wanted you, I just..” Liam chimed in.

“It doesn’t matter. We’re together now,” she said.

“That’s a sweet story. I’m Nicola, his oldest sister,” Nicola said extending a hand.

“I’d love to go somewhere and get a coffee or a drink and get to know you guys,” Krystal said.

“I know a place,” Geoff said.

They left the venue in two cars and headed to a nearby pub. Liam grabbed Krystal's hand and she immediately placed her fingers inside of his. He didn’t let go of her hand or leave her side the entire night while she charmed his family.

“Guys I’m sorry I know you love her, I do too, but I haven’t seen her in two months and I really need some alone time with her,” Liam said after an hour.

“Oh dear well then we should be on our way,” Karen said not wanting to think about what her baby boy does behind closed doors with his girlfriend.

“Goodnight son,” Geoff said hugging Liam tightly.

Once the goodbyes were exchanged, Liam pulled Krystal to him and kissed her long and deep.

“I missed you so much,” Krystal said.

“You’re killing me with this dress. It needs to be off,” Liam said admiring her shape in the body hugging fabric.

“Take it easy the car will be here soon,” Krystal said.

The car arrived a minute later but the ride to the hotel seemed like hours to Liam. And then he could see it up ahead and his heart started racing again. The anxiety was bubbling up. It’s been two months since he’s seen her and he wasn’t sure if he could perform. And he was worried about the way he looked. What if he gained weight or she didn’t think he was handsome anymore. What if he blanks out? They still haven’t had sex because these thoughts bubble up everytime they get close to doing it.

“Babe are you coming?” she asked snapping him out of his own mind.

“Yeah,” Liam said quickly hopping out of the car.

“You look so good in those jeans babe. It’s a crime,” she said.

“Trust me no one is looking at me with you next to me,” he said as they got into the elevator.

When the elevator doors opened Liam couldn’t get to his room fast enough. The minute they were behind closed doors he was undressing her slowly, piece by piece.

“NO, you always do this and somehow I’m completely naked and you’re fully dressed,” she said definitely.

“You want me to strip for you?” he asked.

“You’re not gonna strip for me,” she laughed.

“Oh no,” he said as he put on some music and began to sway his body and he removed the layers slowly.

Krystal had to admit it was hot. She thought she would tease him a little and she reached down and rubbed herself between her legs just ever so gently. Liam bit his lip as he watched her. His dancing started slowing down and then he too was completely naked.

“Don’t stop on my account,” Liam said as he continued to watch her.

“Get over here,” she said motioning for him to join her.

He ran to the bed so quickly he nearly knocked her over.

“MMMM,” he moaned as he kissed her.

“I want you,” she said when they broke apart.

“You know every time we fool around I get anxiety right before and honestly I’m over it,” Liam said.

“What?” Krystal asked sounding very offended.

“The anxiety, it’s taking over my sex life. We’ve been together six months and we still haven’t had sex. I think it’s more of a state of mind at this point. I am not going to allow it to control my life anymore. I want to fuck you and I’m going to. I’m not going to be afraid anymore,” Liam said feeling quite empowered and strong.

“Are you sure you’re ready? I don’t want you to do anything that’s  going to upset you. Are you sure you can handle the outcome if it doesn’t go as planned?” she asked.

“I don’t care anymore. I NEED to do this. Besides the fact that it’s hanging over my head because I want to feel something with you, I want you. I have wanted you for so long that and no one is suffering more than me. I’ve made so much progress and you’re so gentle and loving with me, how could I not feel anything? It’s only just fear holding me back. It’s an excuse I’m hanging onto like a crutch and I’m done with it. I just want to make love to you,” Liam said as he ripped open a condom wrapper.

Krystal just stared at the beautiful naked man in front of her. She got up and walked towards him.

“I love you Liam and I desperately want you to make love to me,” she said.

Liam picked her up and carried her to the bedroom. The both of their hearts were racing wildly as he placed her down on the bed and slid her all the down so her legs were hanging off the edge. He slid the condom on and entered her slowly. He thought he was going to shut down but he heard her whimper in pleasure instead. He slowly glided in and out of her and her breaths were increasing with each thrust. He kissed her softly and just admired her beauty while she squeezed his back and his arms. The tighter her grip was the more turned on he became. He was so aware of every feeling and sensation it was like his sensations were coming alive for the first time. The more pleasure he gave her the harder it was for him to hold off. He wanted her to have the most pleasure he could give her and then it happened. She screamed out and she had been gripping the bed sheets which she suddenly ripped off completely. He could feel her around him and it started. He was aware of the sudden heat spreading through him and the euphoria taking over and he finished as well. When it was all over he was on top of her and she had been kissing his neck.

“I'm so sorry. That’s not like me. I'm an expert. I can do much better. I always make girls cum more than once. It was just so amazing. I could feel everything that you felt. I could see it in your eyes. It literally overtook me,” Liam said as tears started to fall out of his eyes. And once they started it was quite a few minutes before they stopped.

“Did you just hear what you said? Liam, you made love and you felt something” she said brushing the hair off his forehead.

“ I did and it was so beautiful it made me cry, but I need to know how you felt. Was I good? Did you enjoy it? I’ve never messed up sex before,” Liam said sounding stressed.

“Liam you didn’t mess anything up. I ripped the sheets off the bed because I was cumming so hard I didn’t know what to do with myself,”

“Tell me that again, about the sheets,” he teased.

She hit him playfully and he placed little kisses on her neck and collarbone.

“You know what else happened today?” he asked.

“What?” she asked.

“She was arrested,” Liam said happily.

“Liam that’s great news. Just look at everything you accomplished in these last few months. You put her in jail and helped that kid, you got back out there and you played your first show back tonight and you made love to me. This is a new beginning for you,”

“It is isn’t it? I’m going to be ok,”

“You sure are, now get into this bed with me so we can snuggle,”

“Yes ma’am,”

**THE END**


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